much contemplation

Today I listened to my internal dialogue as I did a number of tasks. I was thinking about where I am at this moment, and the possibilities that lay ahead.
Some of my thinking was hedged in something that was said on television by an American. He was discussing the economy and saying that for the people who lost or are losing their homes because they could not afford their mortgages, they should simply cut a loss and move on. Your house is not your 'home', your 'family' is your home.

I understood the jist of what he was trying to say, but it sounded both harsh and condescending. Yet, within that statement there stood a nugget of thought that related to me in my life at this time.
It propelled the thinking within me about managing my present and what would my future bring?

I felt that a plan, any plan would benefit me, as long as at the end of each goal I saw results for myself and my child.
I felt as though I had not seen things this way before, and I became more and more curious about how I felt and what I want.
I was able to see that a large part of my inertia came from fear of the unknown and of course the suddenness of going it alone. I put all of that into perspective quickly and got down to brass tacks.

I gave myself a quick wake-up call. Where are you now and where do you really want to be going? But more importantly, what do you think happiness will really look like in your quest to be happy? Is happiness getting a house and a car and being able to travel and to have a large disposable income that keeps your needs met without worry?
In many ways, it feels as though aquiring these things is what you need to feed the machine, that machine is both ego and what society says you need to make it in the world.

Quite obviously there is no going back to primitive living, there is no point in that, and society would eat you alive and your child too.
There is a careful balance that one feels must be in place for life at this time. As I let the older lady pass me in the taxi, I wondered, am I preparing myself adequately for old age? Will my daughter be proud of my efforts?
What am I leaving behind?

When you are thinking like this, it seems as though every thought is concentrated, and life is swimming by. You feel as though time has slowed down for you to take a look at yourself from a distance. I saw things that I was not happy with, but I also was able to size myself up as not half bad at all.
I confronted my concerns about my age and timeframe for some of my plans, and I looked at the legacy thing too.

Did I get everything answered, obviously no, but I got started.