trying something on

With certain expectations that do not pan out, the spiral you can go down can make you think that it is a place of residence, not a place of reference as the quote goes.

I can change my mind

In order to change your life you have to admit that whatever you were preparing yourself for would come with the challenges of the vision. Then sometimes, even with being able to shoulder the load of the difficult moments - it must be asked,why was it chosen for real?Those moments, what else do you know while having that focus? or making the compromises that shift you away for what you thought was a moment, but then years stack up. You get back on that track, you think, and then you begin to age out. Or you lose the compas, either way, something gets lost or hollow. Or, as I am thinking is happening now...I am being more objective and not doing it by thinking some fantasy plot. No plot at all, only the idea of something with more purpose. So, the vision may have remained the same, but the way to it doesn't have to be paved with old, tired ideas.

what's going on

There is a certain degree of lethargy and shock going on inmy island right now. I write in so many other places, and I write here to sort of leisurely work out something that I am thinking about. But of late, so much insanity has been going on ih the world internationally and for us locally. I do my best to stay focused on what Iwant to be doing, and I am pretty good at that, but still...gosh! I don't think that I have actually been on this site for the year where I don't feel hurried or otherwise distracted. But nonetheless, I wanted to do something today.

The World is up in smoke

The issues going on in the world right now is so absolutely insane! My daughter asked me whether this is the world that she should expect from now on? I had to reach to my own feelings at her age when I was terrified that atomic bombs would destroy the entire planet. So I hugged my girl and told her to put one foot in front of the other and trust that whatever is without is not within.

A few days ago I was looking for something in the garage. I have a large amount of plastic containers and bags of books and materials there. This time as I looked for one book in particular, I realised that spending time without much time to deal with the things that I have - I saw that despite the way that things look to me when I open the door to the garage, or I move things around...I think that in the next few weeks to months ahead, I may be able to handle my stuff. I visited my neighbor during the carnival season and sat in her oversized upholstered chair and find it ideal for my embroidery work. However, I am also looking for a space on the patio or near to the patio (because of the natural light) to work. But I am writing all of this down because I find that my whole tone and consideration at this time for where and what I am doing, truly feels much more assured and moreso, I feel very happy about everything.

...and this is the plan

Some little details are occupying my thoughts of late. I want to be able to do more work every day. Last year I really missed doing my embroidery and I now realise that I have to create a working space. Until I actually can create one, I have to make one up. Just as with my exercising, a day to day, incremental situation, the same is needed for my disciple.I just know it. A space where I can nestle into the work and to reach out for the materials that I need. What it brings with it is a feeling of anticipation and readiness for what I know I have to do.

Different

I spent alot of time last year in a stillness exploring my experiences as they happened and after. Not in the usual way of taking it personaly and wondering what I could have done differently. I did something a bit more. I asked what was I feeling? What was this about in a curious way. I would also write that 2025 was the year that I became better friends with myself. All of my morning walks giving me time to freely think without distraction has been delightful. But also, when I am out and about and thinking abouta problem, I hear my advise to me and its gentleness and support. I am deeply grateful for this. I had stresses and many moments where I wondered how to move forward. Yet, again, my processes kicked in and I was able to do whatever I needed to do. I closed off December in a new place.