a little bit of this, a little bit of that

A few days ago I thought that I would have completely lost my shit. This year is an extention of 2024 where I had a major situation, a project go all pear shaped. It shifted my views about how I do business and I could not get my head around how badly things turned. Yet, it also gave me so much because of the uniqueness of it.Then, I think I mentioned before a situation that I saw a friend have with another friend of mine where they had some terrible cuss outs! I was stunned! Then, I was even more amazed at how they came back together and there was so much love. I earned from that too. I saw that ugliness can be the manure to make a beautiful garden. This year, another big spotlight mmessage comes my way. It is so funny too because it really is about all of the messaging and storytelling that comes from impressions made from landing in the job that I am in. I think that there is a running narrative about those people you engage with. You come in in the middle of the movie and you start assuming and peicing things together and before you know it,you are making up a whole story about what you think is going on. But guess what? Even if you are absolutely right, what difference does it make sometime?With this last experience what happened didn't really come from like working directly or observing from the sidelines. This was more a presentation where what I was doing that was perfectly appropriate rubbed two people the wrong way. I got a chance to discuss it at that moment, but what I saw was an unravelling of my belief structure where they were concerned. I had assumed for so long that they were so much more and now I know that they know even less, understand so much less in a staggering way. Waw! It was just a testimony for me to realise that we are all just doing our best...don't be an asshole.

trying something on

With certain expectations that do not pan out, the spiral you can go down can make you think that it is a place of residence, not a place of reference as the quote goes.

I can change my mind

In order to change your life you have to admit that whatever you were preparing yourself for would come with the challenges of the vision. Then sometimes, even with being able to shoulder the load of the difficult moments - it must be asked,why was it chosen for real?Those moments, what else do you know while having that focus? or making the compromises that shift you away for what you thought was a moment, but then years stack up. You get back on that track, you think, and then you begin to age out. Or you lose the compas, either way, something gets lost or hollow. Or, as I am thinking is happening now...I am being more objective and not doing it by thinking some fantasy plot. No plot at all, only the idea of something with more purpose. So, the vision may have remained the same, but the way to it doesn't have to be paved with old, tired ideas.

what's going on

There is a certain degree of lethargy and shock going on inmy island right now. I write in so many other places, and I write here to sort of leisurely work out something that I am thinking about. But of late, so much insanity has been going on ih the world internationally and for us locally. I do my best to stay focused on what Iwant to be doing, and I am pretty good at that, but still...gosh! I don't think that I have actually been on this site for the year where I don't feel hurried or otherwise distracted. But nonetheless, I wanted to do something today.

The World is up in smoke

The issues going on in the world right now is so absolutely insane! My daughter asked me whether this is the world that she should expect from now on? I had to reach to my own feelings at her age when I was terrified that atomic bombs would destroy the entire planet. So I hugged my girl and told her to put one foot in front of the other and trust that whatever is without is not within.

A few days ago I was looking for something in the garage. I have a large amount of plastic containers and bags of books and materials there. This time as I looked for one book in particular, I realised that spending time without much time to deal with the things that I have - I saw that despite the way that things look to me when I open the door to the garage, or I move things around...I think that in the next few weeks to months ahead, I may be able to handle my stuff. I visited my neighbor during the carnival season and sat in her oversized upholstered chair and find it ideal for my embroidery work. However, I am also looking for a space on the patio or near to the patio (because of the natural light) to work. But I am writing all of this down because I find that my whole tone and consideration at this time for where and what I am doing, truly feels much more assured and moreso, I feel very happy about everything.

...and this is the plan

Some little details are occupying my thoughts of late. I want to be able to do more work every day. Last year I really missed doing my embroidery and I now realise that I have to create a working space. Until I actually can create one, I have to make one up. Just as with my exercising, a day to day, incremental situation, the same is needed for my disciple.I just know it. A space where I can nestle into the work and to reach out for the materials that I need. What it brings with it is a feeling of anticipation and readiness for what I know I have to do.