what's going on

There is a certain degree of lethargy and shock going on inmy island right now. I write in so many other places, and I write here to sort of leisurely work out something that I am thinking about. But of late, so much insanity has been going on ih the world internationally and for us locally. I do my best to stay focused on what Iwant to be doing, and I am pretty good at that, but still...gosh! I don't think that I have actually been on this site for the year where I don't feel hurried or otherwise distracted. But nonetheless, I wanted to do something today.

The World is up in smoke

The issues going on in the world right now is so absolutely insane! My daughter asked me whether this is the world that she should expect from now on? I had to reach to my own feelings at her age when I was terrified that atomic bombs would destroy the entire planet. So I hugged my girl and told her to put one foot in front of the other and trust that whatever is without is not within.

A few days ago I was looking for something in the garage. I have a large amount of plastic containers and bags of books and materials there. This time as I looked for one book in particular, I realised that spending time without much time to deal with the things that I have - I saw that despite the way that things look to me when I open the door to the garage, or I move things around...I think that in the next few weeks to months ahead, I may be able to handle my stuff. I visited my neighbor during the carnival season and sat in her oversized upholstered chair and find it ideal for my embroidery work. However, I am also looking for a space on the patio or near to the patio (because of the natural light) to work. But I am writing all of this down because I find that my whole tone and consideration at this time for where and what I am doing, truly feels much more assured and moreso, I feel very happy about everything.

...and this is the plan

Some little details are occupying my thoughts of late. I want to be able to do more work every day. Last year I really missed doing my embroidery and I now realise that I have to create a working space. Until I actually can create one, I have to make one up. Just as with my exercising, a day to day, incremental situation, the same is needed for my disciple.I just know it. A space where I can nestle into the work and to reach out for the materials that I need. What it brings with it is a feeling of anticipation and readiness for what I know I have to do.

Different

I spent alot of time last year in a stillness exploring my experiences as they happened and after. Not in the usual way of taking it personaly and wondering what I could have done differently. I did something a bit more. I asked what was I feeling? What was this about in a curious way. I would also write that 2025 was the year that I became better friends with myself. All of my morning walks giving me time to freely think without distraction has been delightful. But also, when I am out and about and thinking abouta problem, I hear my advise to me and its gentleness and support. I am deeply grateful for this. I had stresses and many moments where I wondered how to move forward. Yet, again, my processes kicked in and I was able to do whatever I needed to do. I closed off December in a new place.

...yes, and also

Creating something from nothing has been my greatest love as a creative person. However over the years, this field not being a straight line has provided a balance that many times has felt more uneven and stacked against me than not. When a consistant salary is not forthcoming, the hit to my mental and physical wellbeing quickly eroded. What magnified this was the solitary nature of the work. When I do not see or reach out to anyone who is successful or supportive in the field itself, or I do not see how to get ahead, I have felt as though I was literally spinning a top in thick, wet mud. I was certainly going nowhere. Three times this year I hit a wall and wondered how to go on. I had to face whether after my entire life, should I just call it a day. Confronting what I want as opposed to what I am doing was important. For me, as a Lecturer, I quickly and enthusiastically tell other people to keep believing in themselves. Get support, look out for opportunities and make them when nothing seems to be working. So what about myself? How come I can find the energy for others? So I really hear myself and befriended myself anew and am looking out for my wellbeing. I feel so much better. Little tweaks here and there, a little mindfulness, a little rest, a little moment to remember where I was and what my deeper goals are...that has been everything. Thank you.

Tobago Christmas

We are doing something different for Christmas and I have two immediate projects that I am thrilled about and have begun. So yey for me! What have I learned from this year -: so very much,indeed. 1.STAND MY GROUND quietly. Be stedfast. 2.KEEP FOCUSED even when on a rollercoaster. 3. Be ready to PIVOT while FOCUSED...I am finding the way. 4. ASK for help and get it. 5. WORK ON self care all the time and focus on positive energy. 6. REST. REST. REST STOP OVEREXTENDING! 7. TAKING THAT MOMENT to consider is sooooooo special. ANything that jumps out and feels discombobulating....there is no need to react. Take a moment to feel everything the situaion is calling up inside my mind and body. NAME what I feel before I act. 8. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE...send out LOVE all the time...send out BESS VIBES!