Curious...

Yesterday I had been writing and also working feverishly on my computer on some work for a deadline, when out of the blue my overseas friend Skyped me a very long note. I was extremely surprised to see it and more so to read it. It was obviously filled with emotion. It was clear that he had taken some thought to put his feelings down. It actually made me get a bit choked up. He wanted me to know how much he values what we have. More and more I am finding that he is revealing a side of himself that is amazing me. I have known him for a decade and yet,he still manages to surprise me. I have come to my online diary tonight to try to work out some of my feelings about this man. When I read what he had written, it took me awhile to get passed the fact that it cluttered up my thoughts. I felt overwhelmed. Although he has said such things to me before, this time, his need to write it in such depth really affected me. I go back and forth about my feelings where he is concerned. I have planned on discussing my need to know what is happening with him before I invest another moment of feelings for him, but I have not been able to do this because we have not had an opportunity to really have a long chat about it. So, that decision being the case, the note really did a number on me. It got me all goggly eyed and soft hearted. Today though, I am back on the ball about what I want and what may or may not be going on with us. I really have to know whether he is moving on with his life or not. I cannot really react to his lovely words to me until I know once and for all, particularly because we keep building whatever this is into something more and then we have scheduling conflicts that prevent anything from happening. Anyway, if I am pragmatic, and if I look at this whole thing from a logical standpoint, I would say that all of this is happening as it should.

energy

There is something to be said about the day. It began one way and ended so unexpectedly. I do not know whether it is just a moment? If it is, I savor it. What a moment. After writing at length about my disappointment with my gentleman whom I shall now call frequent flyer because I forgot what I have called him before, I was so upset with him weeks ago, regarding the Skype conversation.
Then tonight, I was multi-tasking. I was online, on my I-Pad and had Fifty Shades Darker by E.L.James open while listening to music and lo and behold, I get a message from him.
I never expected the level of romanticism from this man. He had a whole fantasy planned out in his mind and he told me all about it. I could not believe it. He just let it all out, and I felt so awed by it all. it was delightful, delicious....I loved every moment of what he revealed to me.

My ex husband has let the other shoe drop. He has served me papers for full custody of our child. I half expected that he was up to something, but I had hoped that he would somehow see reason and use other tactics.Now that he has shown his hand, he now puts me in a position where this case will take up time and financial resources. He is basically being a nuisance. However, today is also the second anniversary of the death of my closest friend. For a moment that is much more important to think about. He has come to my thoughts as he has every day since his death. I miss my darling. I miss him very much.