Happily tired

Sometimes when I come to this electronic diary I am so aware of all the things that I think and focus on that do not make it here. But I am framed by it all, formed by my experiences.I have been doing so many things work wise that I am and also am not getting paid for. But my point is to clear my schedule for other things that I want to get done. The year is speeding by. Already one of my deadlines is fast approaching and I am feeling that if I miss the window I shall be in deep crap for 2026.Anyway, when I write like this, I get mindful of how wonderful it is to be able to state such things. I am thrilled and pleased to know that it is my own work being nurtured. I don't want to waste any more time letting little inconveniences stress what is working on my own terms.

So I sprained my right foot. Yep. I was wearing some black slippers that look like fake Yeezy's knowing fully well that they have a suction cup effect sometimes. But that didn't cause the injury. My foot twisted in the left shoe and affected the right and I went down on my knees and literally flopped to the side on the ground. At first I thought that it was minor. But then my left big toe was bleeding and then I was feeling the side of my right foot feeling uncomfortable and hurt. The next thing I know, when I am getting up hours later from the table of my friend's house as we complete looking at a book together that is eing edited...I realise that my foot is in the first stages of being swollen. By the time I get home I cannot walk on my right foot. It is far worse than when I fractured my toe or sprained my right. I got a bit frightened by this accident because this has happened again. WTH. My auntie when she saw me and helped me with my pain, she told me that the accident has to do with too much anxiety. This is true. I act fine, but my mind does go all over the place.I do what I can to through my mind forward, meaning, I know that this is but a moment. But sometimes from moment to moment, the same issue is still there. However today I am recoperating.

now that de carnival is over

So much to get back to. First of all, I am inthe position to do something new. There shall be some researching...some re-evaluating and some untried actions ahead for me. I have approached one person and discussed redoing the book I had been working on for many years. This time I want to include doing Podcasts and a You-Tube channel. A great conversation with a friend of mine has helped me consider my plans in a slightly different way. I am now all about breaking up my intentions into days and weeks. That isn't the new attitude though, the new attitude is the way I shall approach anyone I choose to work on my projects with. My intentions are to work on my publications. I also have a desire to complete my ceramics and my stationary pieces. These things have to be photographed and eventually seen in an online shop capacity. The plans are underwayas I write.

I had planned of writing about a number of things that have just recently happened, but it is all so new that I see no reason to do it here. I will only state for now that it taught me a lot. What I can write though, is that no matter how professional you may think you are being when you have a third or fourth party involved, personalities can greatly rock the foundation of any plan.

It is cold, cold, cold every day. What is so funny about this being the case in this part of the world is that unlike when you are in a temperate country, you don't walk around in layers. I think I better do that in a few moments. There is so much to that I have to do. I am feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment, but I shall be fine. I feel this way only because I am thinking of many of them at once. I am very excited about the plans I have set out. After the carnival season I plan to spend some time in archives looking for the research. Then I plan a solo show and I am working on that right now. Amidst all of that I have a bunch of personal things to see to as well...I bought my daughter some rollerskates. I want to use them and I am terrified of falling on my face or my ass! But, falling is part of it isn't it?

Starting again is imperative. It is like having a second wind to do the things you set out to do but could not complete. A new year feels like that always. I put out some unfinished things today and I have materials to purchase in days ahead to make these pieces complete. It is the start of a big intention. The feeling that I get thinking and being deliberate is intoxicating. I am finally ready to step into the potential that I have waited for and honed for decades. No longer is it about what may I think is necessary to be seen and appreciated. I appreciate and that is the strength and the satisfaction of making. Why does it take so long to settle? I can only say that the fight between two minds in my thinking is the cause. There are days that I can be uninterrupted by dounbt, but that does not mean that it will not be waiting for me tomorrow. Only age brings reason. I find that I am now for want of a better way to say, better friends with myself now. As I get more centred and focused within, I see the ability to just be. It is a gift.

Waaaay

December is here! What a year it has been!I have learned so much, experienced things, felt greatest dismay and sadness but have also come to know that there is great metal within me, great strength and I must also state, beauty. I fight! My countenance is serene. Gosh! The year ahead....I face continued anxiety, wanting to start new things that have been on very short lists for years...a proper consideration to what I am to be doing in my career. An expectation that things shall run closer to plan and exceed them. That money and opportunities towards same shall come and again exceed expectations.