Staring down fear

I believe that I may have named another post this before? But after writing what I just did, I remembered that I also wanted to write this.
When I feel as I just stated, I think that I should also just dare to go into the abyss and stare down whatever it is that seems to hold me fast.
Is it that I worry that I shall never make enough money to have my own life? Am I fearful of not living up to my childs' expectations? Do I worry that I will not be able to have a better life in my future? Am I concerned that I do not know how to go forward in my life?
Writing these things down actually helps that chasm that seemed to leap up in a blue haze. To see those words come leaping across the page is to see their ordinariness and to realise as well that they are just that, words that coat the psyche until one can see beyond them to other things.

Ever so often I feel blue...although I am aware that it does not last long. For example tonight my little one was studying my fingers as I put her to bed. So that helped me feel less down.
I suppose that it is only natural to feel this way when someone I have known all of my adult life now has walked away and not looked back.
The person I used to know would never do this. It makes me wonder what could be in such a mind? Is it that he is so steely that he could just forget with ease all the good and the great things of the past so very easily? I do not know anyone who can do that? Or even if he has gone away still justifying his rage, surely he should be able to see that it is not worth it?
What it tells me is that I probably never knew him at all? I know that I should not encourage this funk, but it all feels so wasteful, all that has gone on, wasteful to have done all that he did? For what?
Will I ever know and do I really want to?
Perhaps if I had had a different story by now, some new person in my life to distract me, I would not be feeling this way? Possibly?
Thankfully these moments dissipate quickly, and I move on to all that I am o thankful for now and for the future. I also suppose that the funk is there to remind me of better and better feelings around the corner.

Learning from work

At the moment I am working on a freelance job with someone who brought me on board. It has turned out that that person is not as professional as they claimed to be, and the worst of it is that they do indeed feel that they are extremely professional. It has been very challenging to work with them. They have made so many mis-steps that the client has called me several times and basically asked me to reign this person in.
It has been an experience to say the least.
For me the project has been straightforward. Get all of the elements to do the design, and she has not managed to give me these elements in a timely fashion, so now, she is bitching and moaning about charging too little, but she is still working on her part of the project although the deadline is next week.
She has also chosen to go to cricket when she should be working. So there it is.
What working on this job has shown me is my own work ethic. I have stayed on course (as I usually do) and I am very clear about my role (as I usually am)certainly the cost could have been higher, but in the negotiations, the client made it clear what could be afforded. We could have said no. I said yes based on the time factor and I have worked accordingly, not doing what I should not do.
So I am quite pleased that the project is on stream where my work is concerned.