Of late I have been taking a look at the idea of a legacy. Having a three year old, I definitely want her to inherit the best of her parents, and to temper the worst. But apart from that, I want her to inherit a fantastic body of work of mine that shall increase in value.
There is a particular piece that I am planning to make wearable. I have finally gotten off the fence about it. It is a piece that I have spent many, many years on.
I shall feel really fulfilled to pass this item on to her. I know that it shall be a talking point long after my ashes have blown away.
I feel very humbled and choked up talking about myself as someone already passed.But pass, I shall, and because I know this, I must truly endeavour to live the best quality life I can every day.

AND...

New, new beginnings

Today I did some startling things. I de-activated two sites that I have online. It was suggested to me that I stop a writing site that I had become a bit fond of. This had happened because I thought that it was of value. I was not wrong about this, but I was diluting my own value by doing it. What I mean by that is that I had promised myself that I would focus on my own work, and this was one of many distractions.
I see now that I deliberately do this. I have it worked out so well that I can convince myself that doing this is ok. I can juggle nine balls in the air.
But even if this is completely true, at the end of the day, I still do not satisfy what I intend ultimately.
There is a whole body of really strong work that I have in books that I cannot work on because the next idea takes small bits of my time.
I didn't see this.
I was too busy thinking that all the other things were important too. They also disguised themselves as such.
This was not easy to do.
To admit that I was not as important as I felt I was.
This makes me laugh now.
Laugh out loud.
With all the things online, what I was ending up doing was spreading myself even thinner and thinner with more and more useless shit!
But even worse, thinking that they all mattered.
This sort of all or nothing is new for me.
But for now....it rocks!

the latest with me

I am a good tired, from hanging my show that is on tomorrow. The weather was rainy today and yesterday, and if I were to go on that, I would have felt that it could not happen. But I pushed, and I am glad that I did. One of the surprises for me was that I had had the intention of doing so very much more. Now that I look at the space, there was no way that I was going to be able to do all that I had set out to do. But moreso, all of the plans now seem excessive. They may never need to be done.
I learnt a great deal from the effort that I out forward for my work.
There was supposed to be a slew of help and then it came down to a skeleton crew. I just got what I had to get, done. It was just that simple.
You could freeze or you could say, ok, AND...I chose and.

In a few days I shall be having a show of some work that I have been doing for quite some time. I am very pleased that this work shall also be going abroad. I had taken many years on several aspects of this theme, and none of it has been seen.
So for me, this is a bit emotional too. It has taken so long, much research, effort, change and considerable thought and sketching things over and over and buying materials that I am yet to use in some instances.
In a way, one cannot have work going for years and not go through all that I have. I am just marvelling at the journey to where I am now.

contemplating contemplation...

So much is going on with me. I don't even know where to begin, but as the march hare said in Alice, start at the beginning.
It was recently suggested to me to stop a project that I have been working on for two years, and have seen grow and have grown fond of. The suggestion is quite sound. The person thinks that I must halt anything where I do not focus on my own work.
There is a lot of intelligence in the statement.
It is just hard to let go.
If I were watching this from the eyes of someone else, I would see this so very well.
I will return to this again and again until I catch my stride.

More from my Saturday Lime...

One of my friends was discussing another friend of ours who was not present. She had been helping him with his work, and she was at her wits end with him.
He is prolific in his field, but he is also very stubborn and proud, and neither is doing him any good.
As I listened to her talk about what he needed to do to get his work in gear, I realised that her comments could certainly apply to me.
What was I doing for my career?
Did I have the presence that I should?
What could I do to alleviate that?
Sometimes you think that you are doing so much, but you are not really doing enough, or your not really doing what you should.

This has been a very good week for me in terms of messages. I have received alot and with all of the things that have come to me to think about, I feel confident that I can move forward.

After many months, finally, some friends of mine and I met yesterday. We had a wonderful evening, and I learnt a great deal from the experience.
One of my friends had a potentially life threatening illness, and as she spoke to us about the diagnosis of what she went through (she was in the hospital for two weeks and she had to have tests and surgery)what was remarkable about what she went through was her attitude about it.
Usually when someone I know has gone through illness, after the fact, they are still angry or afraid. In my friend I saw neither attitude. I saw gratitude.
She spoke about the situation being a remarkable experience. She embraced her circumstances in a way that suggested to me that she had accepted the diagnosis and put her hands fully into the hands of her doctors,people who were pleasant and supportive. Her job and her boss were completely understanding. Her friends flocked around her, her child and his wife were present. She felt completely loved and supported.
I sat back, listening to my friend, and I was deeply moved.
I wanted to take away some of that attitude and see it replacing some of the feelings in my own life.
My other friend then shared a situation that she had gone through. She had been supportive of her secretary who is pregnant, and as the girl goes off on maternity leave, she received a present of thank you.
My friend is always being helpful and thoughtful, and many times she is shafted for this trait. But recently, she has been receiving undiluted respect and support for her efforts.
This too made me see the possibilities of life.
I thanked them both, as their messages came to me loud and clear.