Realisation

There is nothing like coming to an understanding about some things in your life. The funny thing is that they are not particularly remarkable. They are sometimes truisms that you have heard for many years. But when you finally GET it, it is serendipitous.
For me, it is the decision last week to literally say in my mind that 'I am starting over,' doing this, I now find myself able to embrace my decisions like never before.
Why this is different than before, is in the way that I am thinking. I am not making decisions based on what I think I shall like. I am great at making long lists of things that I need to do. But this time, what I am feeling is a sense of myself as the maker of these decisions with the intention of moving forward with my child.
What is wonderful too, is the assurance and confidence I feel about this.
In the past I have been unsure about which direction to take. But now, I say to myself, whatever you do not know, get expert advice, but it it ultimately MY decision to make. That makes me feel very positive for a change.
This is a big deal for me, because at one point in my life I was afraid to make the wrong decision and I let other people's opinion overshadow my own.
I always thought that I was simply agreeing with their opinion, and found that opinion sound, but really I was giving up some of my responsibility and my view, bit by bit. I can see this now, and I am not going back in that direction again.