Flomoxed and flabbergasted make good bedfellows

I have found that I take some time to come to some decisions in my life, and this actually concerns me. I am not spontaneous with some things that have mattered to me, like should I marry this person, should I have a child, should I invest this money?
Now, that may seem quite reasonable. Those are big questions. But tonight these past decisions have come to the forefront because yet again, I am observing myself taking my time to think out one or two issues that are making me analyse the pros and cons of my situation.
In some ways, the answer is already formed when you take a long time to decide on a matter. In a way, you are just hoping for different evidence to change your thinking.
For me, I want to be balance. But really, what is that?I claim that I want to be fair minded, but what I may really want is to feel that I have taken the moral high road, or that my ego has been nourished. I know that I am being a bit hard on myself by saying that. But I really want to investigate my way of seeing things.
I am at a point in my life where some of my experiences are repeating themselves and beginning to seem a bit bizarre even to me. The same people factoring, similar issues coming up. I thought that I had dealt with this years ago and moved on? So why is this particular thing back again? What is to be learnt this time? Or am I just over thinking?
I conclude that my feelings are feelers to tell me what and where I need to go. I take time because I feel things, and being settled with my decision matters to me. The things I mentioned have been big, and so,I may be older, but my experiences are not necessarily that of a veteran at emotional life. There are things I wonder about and just do not feel knowledgeable about, but in a way too, that is dis-ingenuous, because no one knows, we all are just faking it. So, I'll venture and say, hey, I am growing stronger, taking up positions that make me feel that I am moving in uncharted territory and this may not mean winning, but it does mean living, and you know what, it's my life.