What a lovely date. It is simply so empowering. My day went well, and I am in very good spirits. I planned on writing something quite different, but on reflection, I had to conclude that there is much more to write in a positive way than there is to worry about. one of my former students has gotten into retailing art supplies, so I've asked her to check on the Fellissimo pencils for me. Five hundred color pencils, hand crafted...completely Artgasmic!
Faber Castel also has some new promotion, but their pencils come to a much higher price...yet, can one ever have too many colored pencils?
I just hand painted a chiffon dress for my mother, so I am on a painting and color binge, and I am not stopping there. I have so much to do artistically, and I love it.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
a realisation
The other night I was musing on the amount of growth I know I still need. This came about when I thought back to a few things that I have experienced lately, the loss of my closest friend. Working on big projects without him, feeling so sad some days that I wondered about whether I can actually do my work constructively? Then there is the ex-husband and all that I have been doing to develop a better relationship with him, and other emotional issues.
Today though, I was part of a symposium and I felt that it had gone very well. My ex has done tones of them, and he had given me some constructive criticism on it, being my first. I was feeling quite good about our communications on the subject, and even found growth in my approach with him.
Then tonight, after feeling positive about the way things went, I tempted fate and asked him what his friend who was there thought of the whole thing? This person is like himself, very self satisfied and sees only his approach as relevant.Needless to say, he was quite forthcoming with some harsh criticism.
I am writing about it because although I made my own snide retort, I noticed something about myself tonight with this exchange.
I was disappointed. Not upset.
I know the dynamic between he and his friend, and I even compared it to what he probably felt for years when he believed that I was influenced or taken over by my parents.
I know...I take a long time to learn things sometime. But this was interesting.
after we spoke and I asked myself what it was that I was really feeling? I concluded that sometimes you are just so different, and just cannot bond in a neutral place. I cannot be what I am not, and neither can he. Whatever he thinks is his right, and I feel good about what I did and that's my right.
Today though, I was part of a symposium and I felt that it had gone very well. My ex has done tones of them, and he had given me some constructive criticism on it, being my first. I was feeling quite good about our communications on the subject, and even found growth in my approach with him.
Then tonight, after feeling positive about the way things went, I tempted fate and asked him what his friend who was there thought of the whole thing? This person is like himself, very self satisfied and sees only his approach as relevant.Needless to say, he was quite forthcoming with some harsh criticism.
I am writing about it because although I made my own snide retort, I noticed something about myself tonight with this exchange.
I was disappointed. Not upset.
I know the dynamic between he and his friend, and I even compared it to what he probably felt for years when he believed that I was influenced or taken over by my parents.
I know...I take a long time to learn things sometime. But this was interesting.
after we spoke and I asked myself what it was that I was really feeling? I concluded that sometimes you are just so different, and just cannot bond in a neutral place. I cannot be what I am not, and neither can he. Whatever he thinks is his right, and I feel good about what I did and that's my right.
Monday, October 4, 2010
only sometimes...
Today, an exchange between my parents and myself led me to see how much living with a domineering person and then in this instance, multiplied by two, can be so exhausting. I used to think that I could manage this and it not affect me too much. But sometimes it gets to be too much.
The attitude is to talk at you and to hammer home their opinion and completely ignore, downplay or insult your point of view.
This behavior always gets me to a place where I ask again, what the hell am I doing here? Why am I still here?
I am still with them because of the decision that I have made towards years end.
Although I can say already that it is a closely cut decision that may not go as I expect.
What is this decision? I have an obligation abroad and I have to be in the country by a certain time.
The challenge of being away then is twofold, first of all having to leave my little one behind is not something that I want to consider and the other part has to do with hitting the ground running.
Yet,I also feel that doing something different is important for me now, because the present circumstances are such that they have now painted me into a corner where not moving is not an option.
The attitude is to talk at you and to hammer home their opinion and completely ignore, downplay or insult your point of view.
This behavior always gets me to a place where I ask again, what the hell am I doing here? Why am I still here?
I am still with them because of the decision that I have made towards years end.
Although I can say already that it is a closely cut decision that may not go as I expect.
What is this decision? I have an obligation abroad and I have to be in the country by a certain time.
The challenge of being away then is twofold, first of all having to leave my little one behind is not something that I want to consider and the other part has to do with hitting the ground running.
Yet,I also feel that doing something different is important for me now, because the present circumstances are such that they have now painted me into a corner where not moving is not an option.
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