My dear friend and I had a really good, long talk about my ex-husband. Most recently he has returned to a pattern of behavior that concerns me enough to have to take some steps myself.
I have learned a great deal over the last few years...as one should. For example, I have actually forgotten how long I have been divorced, can you believe it? So the mercy of time is such a salve.
Yet, with all that I am doing, I sometimes feel as though I am taking too long. One may ask, too long for what?
The divorce has made me (as would be expected) look inside and ask myself, what are MY needs? What are the things that would truly make me feel that my life is as I want it to be?
It is much more than a question. It is an attitude, and a certain knowing. I have written the lists in my life, it isn't by half about that. It is a much deeper thing. It is a satisfaction within the self, whatever position you are in at the time. It is knowing that whatever the case, you shall be fine, that whatever is bothering or hurting shall not consume you, it shall pass.
I have felt so down and out so many times. I have felt that to move on may be the most difficult, and unlikely thing to happen, because nothing looked like it was happening.
I had felt that my faith was nowhere and no one could or would help me.
I felt so very sorry for myself.
But after one time, there is another.
You cannot be down forever or up forever. And more important, neither are ultimate positions. Neither define what you can do.
Today I stand in the knowledge that I am a work in progress and I expect setbacks. But here and now, I feel and know that life is beautiful. life is a gift.
I can look within from whence cometh my help indeed.
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