A dear former student and I have been chatting lately. She is very emotional about someone whom she loves who is still with another, despite declaring her feelings for her.
We talked today, and I was giving her some strength to deal with the situation. Meanwhile, after I wrote the other entry, I realised that I should also mention that I saw my old flame last night and we ended up at one of his houses being used for his band. We stripped off  our clothes and wondered around the dark garden, touching the other and giggling, then raced back inside when being freaky outdoors proved to be a bit much.
As always it went only so far, and I wonder for the millionth time why I am still after all of this time, a fence sitter.
I will not give in, but I will not stay away.
I cannot believe that I am behaving this way. I keep being dismayed by my behaviour, yet also titillated too.
Geez!
I can only shake my head at the moment.
There is a level of control and familiarity for me. Also there is a lovely fact that he respects how far I am willing to go and no more.
He provides excitement and I provide excitement with him.
What a pair we are indeed.