Hear me

This is the last day of 2011. It cannot be helped that writing tonight about the year as it passes into history comes up. A few days ago I had a romantic evening that was quite unexpected. But this was after having a really lovely encounter with man from India one early morning when I was working particularly hard on a project and he knew exactly how to warm me up.
I am now officially a slut of sorts, because I am experiencing more than one man at a time in a cyber world. Of course I am not the only person having this duality in my life, but to me, it leaves me wondering about myself....but not in a bad way, I am just amused actually. So, yes, I spent the late evening with my first ex...at his friends absolutely stunningly beautiful house. He has an infinity pool, and he has lit the pool with colored lighting that changes every few seconds. We decided to skinny dip, he and I...not the home owner...that would have gotten into territory that could have proven a bit too much....he has had this fantasy though....anyway, we had a wonderful time and then went back to my house, but before that, we had a bit of a heated session, and finally it was taken to the inevitable step. Although I do not believe that it went as far as he may think.
All of that aside, so much changes on a dime, but more so, I am now thinking that in 2012 I do not want to be in limbo anymore in any aspect of my life. I feel that all I have been doing is putting up with the least common denominator. I am not really living. I have not travelled in five years...that in itself is shocking to me. I have been working, but I do not have the kind of money that I should. I still have the same list of things that I need to take care of that I had five years ago?! Now come on now....what am I doing? Can things be better? I am sure that they certainly can, but I have to make it so.
I admit that getting divorced and starting over was scary because I had left my job and my ex husband was threatening me constantly and the court costs ate a big hole in my savings. But now, I find that more and more I am putting myself out there, taking risks and experiencing new things and handling failure very differently...making things happen in my life on my own steam. I think that it is time to say to the universe, give me better, give me the things that I am asking for. Hear me!