would I know

The way that circumstances insued this evening, I saw an aspect of myself that I am now musing on and also working on in myself. I come from parents who always seemed confident,all knowing and until adulthood,never seemed to me to make mistakes. This afternoon I mis-interpreted what was said in a meeting for today and thought that I did not have to show up. I was called and I was able to explain my understanding of what was said at the meeting. I was mortified that I had come to my conclusion and had no other thought about it being possibly different. I get really triggered when I make an error. I think that I can find myself melting down, embarassed. I get right back to childhood wondering who thinks I am stupid.So naturally I spent some time just feeling all of those icky, stomach flipping emotions. It took a few minutes for me to talk myself off of the ledge. I had erred, but not so pathetically that anythings could not be fixed by it. I wasn't an idiot, addled brained, hopeless...I told myself. As I graadually shifted my focus and my emotions, I thought about my mood. Prior to the phone call, I had been feeling so happy about having today off, as next week I felt that I would be taking up the usual ruitine and figuring out how I was managing everything I would have to do. So when the call came that I did not expect I was ready to act , to solve the issue. Yet, I felt such a disappointment in myself. I was divided. On the one hand, I was flled with a sense of absolute let down to others on the one hand and a distinct need to get my mind right about how much I would punish myself for the misunderstanding. I wa taken aback by how much I swiftly slipped into feeling bad. However, it was the very fact that was telling and helpful in the end, as I saw that I was going over the top with my actions. The truth as is proverbially stated, is always in the middle. I had the chance to experience opposing emotions and to act on them and most of all, to come out of it on the other side, secure in the knowledge that these things happen, yes, I can believe the worst and the worst can and does happen...but ultimately, it is the fight within and the desire to persevere that matters most.