...yes, and also

Creating something from nothing has been my greatest love as a creative person. However over the years, this field not being a straight line has provided a balance that many times has felt more uneven and stacked against me than not. When a consistant salary is not forthcoming, the hit to my mental and physical wellbeing quickly eroded. What magnified this was the solitary nature of the work. When I do not see or reach out to anyone who is successful or supportive in the field itself, or I do not see how to get ahead, I have felt as though I was literally spinning a top in thick, wet mud. I was certainly going nowhere. Three times this year I hit a wall and wondered how to go on. I had to face whether after my entire life, should I just call it a day. Confronting what I want as opposed to what I am doing was important. For me, as a Lecturer, I quickly and enthusiastically tell other people to keep believing in themselves. Get support, look out for opportunities and make them when nothing seems to be working. So what about myself? How come I can find the energy for others? So I really hear myself and befriended myself anew and am looking out for my wellbeing. I feel so much better. Little tweaks here and there, a little mindfulness, a little rest, a little moment to remember where I was and what my deeper goals are...that has been everything. Thank you.

Tobago Christmas

We are doing something different for Christmas and I have two immediate projects that I am thrilled about and have begun. So yey for me! What have I learned from this year -: so very much,indeed. 1.STAND MY GROUND quietly. Be stedfast. 2.KEEP FOCUSED even when on a rollercoaster. 3. Be ready to PIVOT while FOCUSED...I am finding the way. 4. ASK for help and get it. 5. WORK ON self care all the time and focus on positive energy. 6. REST. REST. REST STOP OVEREXTENDING! 7. TAKING THAT MOMENT to consider is sooooooo special. ANything that jumps out and feels discombobulating....there is no need to react. Take a moment to feel everything the situaion is calling up inside my mind and body. NAME what I feel before I act. 8. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE...send out LOVE all the time...send out BESS VIBES!

What an experience 2026 was. It felt topsy turvy for many, many moments. I felt that I was also watching on, and we on my island continue to watch with perpexity at some decisions being made by our government. Sheesh! however, just as I discussed with the Stonybrook students the quote about the Vendor selling hotdogs, I take that story and focus on the best part of it. the part that discusses doing what you do and keeping your focus despite how some people view the outcome in society itself. Not everyone is going through the same thing. In fact, there is always someone benefittting from what appears as chaos. My daughter asked me about the term 'learned helplessness' and right away we sat down and spoke about it having some impact in both of our lives at one point. To find oneself getting older, making certain decisions and yet not feeling like you have made an impact, or had no real say...that feeling must be analysed. In an A.I driven world where we are gradually being placed in situations where reality itself is being manipulated for further capitalist colonial thinking and doing...what can one say or do but be mindful to protect what is ours...mainly, our own thinking and critical analysis. So much more shall be written. But we are now here.