...yes, and also

Creating something from nothing has been my greatest love as a creative person. However over the years, this field not being a straight line has provided a balance that many times has felt more uneven and stacked against me than not. When a consistant salary is not forthcoming, the hit to my mental and physical wellbeing quickly eroded. What magnified this was the solitary nature of the work. When I do not see or reach out to anyone who is successful or supportive in the field itself, or I do not see how to get ahead, I have felt as though I was literally spinning a top in thick, wet mud. I was certainly going nowhere. Three times this year I hit a wall and wondered how to go on. I had to face whether after my entire life, should I just call it a day. Confronting what I want as opposed to what I am doing was important. For me, as a Lecturer, I quickly and enthusiastically tell other people to keep believing in themselves. Get support, look out for opportunities and make them when nothing seems to be working. So what about myself? How come I can find the energy for others? So I really hear myself and befriended myself anew and am looking out for my wellbeing. I feel so much better. Little tweaks here and there, a little mindfulness, a little rest, a little moment to remember where I was and what my deeper goals are...that has been everything. Thank you.