Easter season

What a lovely time of year and the time is speeding along. I was surprised when I came to the blog to see that I have not written in so long. Of course so much has happened. One of the things has been juggling two projects and pushing to deadlines that are fast approaching. Then, there is a new found desire to reserach everything textile related, and that has been going apace. There has been a huge loss faced by the Art community in the passing of Geoffrey MacLean.That has been hard, although it just happened a day or two ago. It shall take some time to manage that loss. We here at home are enjoying the season, and mom and I are doing very well together with our decision to spend one day a week on our projects together. I cannot begin to explain the satisfaction of that. We have found so much improvement in approaches to things and plans regarding moving forward. I also am planning to begin something new. I shall write more about it as it unfolds.

My morning walks

One thing about walking in St Anns to Belmont and back is the scenic beauty of it all. I get the opportunity to literally find space between me and my thoughts. The parrots above my head flying low are a delight. Yesterday as we were walking out of the apartment I stopped and looked down to find a delicate pink flower wobbling around. I pointed it out to my daughter. An industrious ant was carrying it along the asphalt pathway. What a way to start the morning. It is the little things that feed the soul.

taking a different tact

An Artist friend I know once told me of how he came to realise that he could not do any other profession. He had found a vanilla delivery job that he had been holding down for some time. Then suddely one day he just could not do it another second. He said that he walked off the premises and never looked back. There is a very popular saying, 'do what you love...the money will follow'...that sounds great, but it is also important to note that as long as love is a job it doesn't mean that every day will be easy, fun or effortless. It just means that your attitude may not be as heavy on such days. For an extremely long time I have wanted to start something, and I have had all sorts of challenges to do so. I am at it again, and I am doing so from a different perspective...............................................................................................................................................another thing is going beyond observing energy. I am now interested as well in seeing the outcome to your own thoughts. The coincidences are just staggering and also poetic.I am truly humbled by their beauty. More to come.

tasting the vine

Already I am learning this year that just bbecause all of the actions of someone may lead to the accurate conclusion, it does not mean that my response need be definative.An example of this is with a colleague whom I can see is challenged by her new promoted state, so she has been playing the game really hard. I can get upset with her, and I did after she did something that was manipulative. I felt it and knew it and it factored into things that I put together from her past actions that now became amplified. However, to my surprise, I chose to acknowledge it, yet let it go because what I got from this was that I am to keep my focus on what I want to do for me. By taking the emphasis off of her, and focusing my intentions back to myself. I had a chance to forgive, forget and be mindful while being grateful for what in that moment seemed like a stumbling block. ..........................................................................the next important thing has been the deciding faster...the awareness of why I have procrastinated with things that matter most to me in the past, and how I am now in a space where I have confronted the reasons and become able to adjust instantly. I have for example known that I should follow up on a call, or get out of a comfort zone to get to something I want...and I hesitate and I take too long...that fear that I can get rejected had been huge. To face yet another no in my mind has made it easy to just be avoidant. It is also strange of me because for other things I do not face such a level of ambivilence at all. In fact I just don't see a problem. I am confident and that's all it takes. I love when I feel that way. When I do, even a rejection does not stall me. I have found that last year and these last twenty-five days, that sense of clarity is so sweet.

from new meetings to messy moments

My ex-husband is off the Iraq again. This time he is going under very different circumstances. Iran has had some air strikes against both Syria and Iraq and of course I am very concerned for his safety. I am back in his apartment again after twenty something days of his returning and doing his best to change the arrangement. Our daughter turns eighteen in five months and he shall be returning after she hits that important date. So we both believe that his wanting her to all of a sudden stay with me has very much to do with the fact that she may not return to his house when he gets back. All of the speculation and uncertainty was made worse by the news of the strikes, but my daughter is doing as well as she can with all of this upheavel. Our house guests have now been at my mothers' for ten days, and still they have not had a proper conversation about payment. But mom is taking this in stride. Then to crown it all, our guests are at odds with each other, or I should state, she is at war with him. He acts pretty neutral to her constant nitpicking, poking and complaining. It is a hell of a thing to witness. Amidst all of that, the Performance Artist and Academic who has been interested in my work for some time, visited me and we have discovered that we are basically kindred spirits with a great deal of things. When she visited me, we had an absolutely great time. Then, I decided this year to take the suggestions of the Gallerist and prepare work way in advance for his show this carnival, and I have completed five pieces. I am also not working for the new semester after being promised by the co-ordinator. I shall take what I have been given as an opportunity to do other things, as I have a design project to do along with a slew of other things. Most of all, I am all about getting paid for the efforts every time, because I have concluded that I love all of the things that I do. I just do not like the fact that quite a few of them do not yeild any financial security and that needs to change right now. Best of all, I have plans regarding changing that.

banging

The fireworks usually promote lots of joy and mark the new year. Imagine getting up on the first of the year to find out about an earthquake in japan. Then to be told by my mum that her colleague has passed away in her sleep and then my neice calls to let us know that our former Prime Minister has also passed away. Twenty-twenty four seems to be moving at lightening speed. Lets hope we have the energy to keep up and be strong and get all that we want to get achieved in equally record time! Sheesh!

holidays are in order

Weeks ago and even hours ago I was going way beyond the call of the work that I do. Meanwhile my bank account still does not register any proof of all of the efforts. I know that in the next few days I shall have the tense situation resolved, but for now I am still in a holding pattern. I am desperate for a few days of vacation. A stay-cation. But I also want to travel in 2024 a few times. I am finding that I am checking in with myself and listening to the things that I want to accomplish now. This year I have realised that every oportunity I got, I took. It left me exhausted, but it was presented to me and I did not hesitate.I appreciate the opportunity to get projects coming at me one behind the other.My only wish is that all of them paid well. If they all did, I would be as the British say, chuffed! It would mean that any and all efforts to teach would not be as stressful. I would feel alot better knowing that I can make firmer plans to do certain things that I need and want to do. So that is something that I shall make every effort to work on. Last night I had a moment during that space between waking and sleeping, to look at some of the books that I want to do.It was special, as I made my thoughts look at the cover, open the book and go through a few pages. I did this with about four or five books. I also recalled the words of a friend of mine who said once that the objective is to get the work done as soon as possible. Find a way!