prepared

I can't recall how many times I have said that I want to have an online shop. I see it as an opportunity to create limited edition things that I enjoy making, having another form of income, giving someone or more a part time job (because I will need to do this once it gets going) and the general joy of knowing that I created a consistant form of income from an idea. So finally it is coming to pass. I am excited and shall be writing about this.

more, more, more

It is that time of year where some of the Christmas spirit gets into you making you feel a sense of joy. I also think that it has to do with coming to the end of the term too. A bit of looking forward to not feeling like I am going like a freight train! Jeez! What a fast few months! I learned a lot from the last thirteen weeks.This morning I did the usual. I got up and stayed lying down with my eyes closed. I heard myself say that I have had so many ideas over the years, a dizzying amount. One idea is all I need to focus on of all of them. I know the idea that came to mind. I will not state it here, as I want to act on what was said to me. I got up and felt a sense of wonder about it all. My higher self, thank you for the statement.

well

The American ELections are over and being tallied at this time. I do not want to hear anything, but mom and my daugter are fully invested in it.It is very early in the race to get invested or concerned. My neice voted but my sister didn;t realise that the Bali, Singapore trip she wanted to takw for over a decade and finally did with the love of her life...meant that she couldn't vote, so she is disappointed about that. Meanwhile, I can be so blaze as well because I am just simly tired. Tired. So much is continuing to go on, and I am about to read myself the way I did my students this evening. I 'read' them via the work that they give to me. Of my own work, I can say right now that I must give up some of the things that clearly impair my process to make work. I just gotta do it.

traveling along with them

Last night mom and I git the bright idea to follow my sister's itinerary via You-tube. My sister woke my mom up at three in the morning to bitch and complain about her travel companion's choices of the hotel. Mm of course bolted up and could not go back to sleep under the circumstances. I have told mom many times that I really hate that my sister does that to her. She calls in a frantic way and she doesn't ever ask whether it is a good time or what mom happens to be doing. I also got really pissed because the person she is travelling with has organized the entire trip and is paying for her, so she is a guest and the whole affair is a gift, so carrying on as she is smacks of lack of gratitude! So, we decided to check out what others have to say and recommend about the entire trip that she is taking and in a flash, the behavior changed considerably. We can see what other travellers have done, how they have recommended using means of transport...what they ate, what it cost. What the weather is like...it is an excellent way to see in real or recent time frames what to expect. Mom and I are absolutely enjoying being able to be on the vacation with her of sorts. We can see where she is going next, see whether the hotel is actually nice and what ot really offers. We know that it is a town with a large shopping mall and western eating places. My sister cannot seem to stomach the natural foods! Waw! Imagine always wanting to go to that part of the world and then not liking a big part of the experienceOur neighbor is also going to the same place. She is in Amsterdam right now with the intention of travelling there in a day or two. We suspect that like my sister's friend, she too did not get a visa for the place. So we shall see what is going on with that. Travelling has changed, and mom and I are saying that we love the change. We appreciate being able to see what a place is like so that we can actually know whether we want to visit a temple on a Tuesday, or take a taxi to a night market or an artisan village. What all of this has done is make us excited to plan something soon perhaps even a staycation sort of thing, as there are a few places we keep saying we want to go to and haven't.

lots of parallels

Yesterday my mom was equally as dispondent as I about her own projects. One of them was the fact that as Secretary in two of her NGO's, she is one of the hardest working people in the group. I have seen the President call her constantly for reference material and advise on several occassions!Mom was supposed to go to France this year with her group, but in typical fashion, a few of the members at the top decided to splinter off and go without really telling anyone how they could have also gone to Rome. They also went like tourists, where the findings that they should have come back with and reports they should have written where really quite half assed! All of this annoyed my mom of course. So yesterday mom is strongly consideing resigning from this group she has been in for a staggering 40 years! I had a serious talk with my mom about this labor of love group she has been in forever. We concluded that there are things that she clearly loves about the group. We looked at it hinestly and also at the things that drive her crazy and disappoint her. It took some doing, as the whole thing also has some nostalgia to it and there is also a bit of ego too. By helping my mom with her decision, I also heard what I too was learning with my own decisions on the ngo I am involved in and also my job. For both of us, we are people who commit to what we do. We stay the course sometimes at our peril. We enjoy what we do and we want to do more, but we also know only too well that we cannot do what we do for free. We have to make our contributions such that it is without question that the things we want to get out of doing the things we do, actually come to pass. We both want to be published. We do want other people to be more responsible and pro-active. So this is where we both are, and we now know how we shall go forward.

and then this happened

When the new term begins, us part time lecturers know that we shall most likely not see any salary for a month. It can be rough going, and none of us can manage on that salary alone. What is also expected is that the contracts are almost never, ever given out when the semester begins. Infact we have received contracts sometimes as late as November for a September to December semester. This term, the contract was prepared by the third week in Spetember and the Secretary also happened to send both the claim forms and the pay dates too. This is usually something that also never comes together. Last year I checked the pay date form and put my claims in on the deadline only to be told that mine happened to be the last one 'in' to the department. I was very confused about that because the payment slip states that the date is the time to put in the claim? Anyway, I remembered the experience, so I decided to prepare my form a whole week early. Well guess what? My salary did not come in on the expected pay date of the 24th! I contacted HR and Payroll and was told that no contract for the semester was received! What it means is that I will not be paid until the end of November! I would be working for three months without a salary! I cannot begin to state how I felt when I was told that! Particularly as I am going way above and beyond (as usual) in the department with the Installation project that I am delivering on the 28th which is Monday and then another big department presentation on the 7th of November! I felt so despondant and grieved about this happening to me yet again!

watcha doin' about it

I see what I am hearing as distracting.This reminds me of something that happened to me years ago where I felt ganged up on. I decided to stay as still as possible and sort of listen, focus I suppose on my breathing and I would say that it also an acknowledgement that I am not the moment...but bigger...not the body...but something bigger. That is the only way to describe it...in that moment, I saw as though in meditation, that these people had gathered together for my benefit. I remember seeing in my minds eye a chessboard and myself and them people on different sides. I am not seeing a chessboard here,but I do not need to in this case. I have decided that this experience is a teaching one for me. In fact I have found this year that that is my general attitude to everything I have been going through. I find it very helpful. Instead of focusing on personalities, I get quiet and listen and when I do that I don't feel that I take on to any great extent the bad energy that is being sent my way.