These messages come to me in silence...
It is wrong in life to think that you have no choices and that you cannot change your experiences for the better.
With determination and strong focus, you can turn things around.
KEEP YOUR FOCUS
Sunday, September 30, 2007
naked
A simple but radical spiritual practice is to accept whatever arises in the Now - within and without
- Eckhart Tolle
.............................................................
My Aunt and Uncle just spoke with me, to empathize with all that they are observing going on with my parents and my husband. They can see the behaviour of all the parties as I have been seeing it for years. My Aunt concluded that they all need therapy. This issue is one of control. What is it that they all want to control? I do not know. What I do know is that twenty years of wrangling has come to a head.
I have spent many years trying to understand and moreso, smooth the way between these three people. Eventually I gave up, I concluded that they were all selfish, wanting their own way. For how else could you explain their desire to be right above doing what is best? They always find slights about the other. They wrestle for perceived turf.
I have felt pulled and tugged. I have drawn lines that no one has taken on.
The latest issue is now another level of manipulation and argument, with my sister now playing a minor role. The whole thing reads like an Orwellian play.
I have to look at my part in the equation. I have responded in a number of ways, and my tendency toward wanting to please and wanting to do the right thing, has compounded the behaviour. My relatives have thrown up their hands, they see the whole thing as intenable. I appreciate that they can see what I see,as I stated before, because many times I have felt overwhelmed and hopeless about the whole thing. Thus this site. I need to try to solve things beyong my diary offline.
It starts with just laying down the issues, bare boned.
- Eckhart Tolle
.............................................................
My Aunt and Uncle just spoke with me, to empathize with all that they are observing going on with my parents and my husband. They can see the behaviour of all the parties as I have been seeing it for years. My Aunt concluded that they all need therapy. This issue is one of control. What is it that they all want to control? I do not know. What I do know is that twenty years of wrangling has come to a head.
I have spent many years trying to understand and moreso, smooth the way between these three people. Eventually I gave up, I concluded that they were all selfish, wanting their own way. For how else could you explain their desire to be right above doing what is best? They always find slights about the other. They wrestle for perceived turf.
I have felt pulled and tugged. I have drawn lines that no one has taken on.
The latest issue is now another level of manipulation and argument, with my sister now playing a minor role. The whole thing reads like an Orwellian play.
I have to look at my part in the equation. I have responded in a number of ways, and my tendency toward wanting to please and wanting to do the right thing, has compounded the behaviour. My relatives have thrown up their hands, they see the whole thing as intenable. I appreciate that they can see what I see,as I stated before, because many times I have felt overwhelmed and hopeless about the whole thing. Thus this site. I need to try to solve things beyong my diary offline.
It starts with just laying down the issues, bare boned.
Friday, September 28, 2007
New classes
I just signed up to do a number of courses. It is called, Fast Track Web Design Certificate
The school, BTT College - Institute of Business & Technical Training
MODULE 1
Dreamweaver
MODULE 11
Working with HTML
MODULE 111
Working with Photoshop
MODULE 1V
Working with Flash
The classes are for eight Saturdays, starting this Saturday until November 17th with two weeks to do a final project. The programme cost CAN$520 and I need to buy an external drive for $20 as well. The school is downtown and I was the last to sign up in an expected class of eight. At the end of the course you get a certificate. It takes me about fourty five minutes to get there, and I have to walk a few short blocks, but there are alot of food places along the way, with coffee bars and salad spas (whatever a salad spa means!)
There is a second component to the programme, it costs another $540, and deals with Working with CSS, JavaScript, Flash with ActionScript and a project. By then I should have some good work lined up so that the second fee will not be an issue at all.
I feel very good about doing these classes. My friend Stephen is having his own website done, and he has been taking a very long time to have it done properly. There are so many people who want a site, that I can see myself being able to set up shop. Maybe I will be able to work from home as I want to do.
The point is to create my own site where others can log on and see what I do as part of the big picture. The bottom line is that this one move helps make me feel better about my plans and decisions. I would not have thought about my own business despite my present background. But somehow the added web skills makes me feel that I have greater possibilities.
The school, BTT College - Institute of Business & Technical Training
MODULE 1
Dreamweaver
MODULE 11
Working with HTML
MODULE 111
Working with Photoshop
MODULE 1V
Working with Flash
The classes are for eight Saturdays, starting this Saturday until November 17th with two weeks to do a final project. The programme cost CAN$520 and I need to buy an external drive for $20 as well. The school is downtown and I was the last to sign up in an expected class of eight. At the end of the course you get a certificate. It takes me about fourty five minutes to get there, and I have to walk a few short blocks, but there are alot of food places along the way, with coffee bars and salad spas (whatever a salad spa means!)
There is a second component to the programme, it costs another $540, and deals with Working with CSS, JavaScript, Flash with ActionScript and a project. By then I should have some good work lined up so that the second fee will not be an issue at all.
I feel very good about doing these classes. My friend Stephen is having his own website done, and he has been taking a very long time to have it done properly. There are so many people who want a site, that I can see myself being able to set up shop. Maybe I will be able to work from home as I want to do.
The point is to create my own site where others can log on and see what I do as part of the big picture. The bottom line is that this one move helps make me feel better about my plans and decisions. I would not have thought about my own business despite my present background. But somehow the added web skills makes me feel that I have greater possibilities.
control is a two step dance
Use information and discipline
_______________________________
1. Ask questions until you understand.
2. Start saving for the things that you want in creative ways.
You can mark on an envelope or jar the words, 'trip' or 'car'.
_______________________________
NOTHING can prevent your having what you desire-others have these things.
WHY NOT YOU
_______________________________
Many times you read things, and somehow, suddenly, the same old cliches suddenly jolt new thoughts or better constructions in your consciousness. What did it for me was the "Why not you." I have spent alot of time as an educator doing what I can to make students see that their only limitation is themselves. I too have these blind spots and limitations.
I sit here, in a new country, an immigrant, looking ahead at a whole future that I must create from gossimer and dreams.
It is an amazing place in which to sit.
Unaware of how anything shall play out, it may be intersting to think that this gives me no control or little control.
However this is not the case.
Starting over in one's life and career is a second chance.
I arrived at this place not completely certain of myself. I did not come with assurances. Daily I find myself aware that I have to work on myself. I can get a bit sad. I can get a bit unsure. But although I feel this way, I know that it is not forever. They are but moments.
"The Heart is the Centre" is here to help me sort myself out and to understand myself better. In a way, it is also a friend.
This morning I got up and I was very excited about how I felt about my day. You see, I am starting a web design course. It is eight weeks long and I have to go every Saturday between 2 to 6. I'll be given homework and I have to produce a project at the end of it.
At the very least, it is something Canadian to put on my resume. At the most, it is added income from future projects that will include setting up my own site. So it is a win/win situation.
This decision has me feeling really good about myself.
The next decision is to see about my driving. I don't like the bus and train taking. I find it tiresome. So when I finally finish the course, that I suspect will not be over after eight weeks. But shall go on, I think that I may want to take more than one programme. I may want to take a few more to really have a well rounded certificate. The driving would be the next thing to look at.
Making decisions like these are exciting to me. They are also a bit challenging when I think about the big picture.
What is this big picture?
As I write, the weight of the people in my life press upon me. i can hear the nay sayers and I know that that is something that I must acknowledge and look at.
As I wrote for the header, CONTROL IS A TWO STEP DANCE.
I have spent alot of my life trying to get approval, from my parents and from anyone I hold in high regard in particular. It has made me balance everything I do and say.
I am not completely closed off, but I could see how easy it would be to do so.
My being here on my own is giving me the chance to see myself in another light.
I HAVE TO CARE ABOUT WHAT I THINK for a change as the first thing and as the top priority. I have to say to myself, well what do you think you should do. Your opinion counts.
I have even managed to say to myself, look at you life as an adventure.
This helps me when I hear the naysayers in the background who expect me to fail and to need them.
LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE
LIFE is what you make it
YOU make it
MAKE IT
_______________________________
1. Ask questions until you understand.
2. Start saving for the things that you want in creative ways.
You can mark on an envelope or jar the words, 'trip' or 'car'.
_______________________________
NOTHING can prevent your having what you desire-others have these things.
WHY NOT YOU
_______________________________
Many times you read things, and somehow, suddenly, the same old cliches suddenly jolt new thoughts or better constructions in your consciousness. What did it for me was the "Why not you." I have spent alot of time as an educator doing what I can to make students see that their only limitation is themselves. I too have these blind spots and limitations.
I sit here, in a new country, an immigrant, looking ahead at a whole future that I must create from gossimer and dreams.
It is an amazing place in which to sit.
Unaware of how anything shall play out, it may be intersting to think that this gives me no control or little control.
However this is not the case.
Starting over in one's life and career is a second chance.
I arrived at this place not completely certain of myself. I did not come with assurances. Daily I find myself aware that I have to work on myself. I can get a bit sad. I can get a bit unsure. But although I feel this way, I know that it is not forever. They are but moments.
"The Heart is the Centre" is here to help me sort myself out and to understand myself better. In a way, it is also a friend.
This morning I got up and I was very excited about how I felt about my day. You see, I am starting a web design course. It is eight weeks long and I have to go every Saturday between 2 to 6. I'll be given homework and I have to produce a project at the end of it.
At the very least, it is something Canadian to put on my resume. At the most, it is added income from future projects that will include setting up my own site. So it is a win/win situation.
This decision has me feeling really good about myself.
The next decision is to see about my driving. I don't like the bus and train taking. I find it tiresome. So when I finally finish the course, that I suspect will not be over after eight weeks. But shall go on, I think that I may want to take more than one programme. I may want to take a few more to really have a well rounded certificate. The driving would be the next thing to look at.
Making decisions like these are exciting to me. They are also a bit challenging when I think about the big picture.
What is this big picture?
As I write, the weight of the people in my life press upon me. i can hear the nay sayers and I know that that is something that I must acknowledge and look at.
As I wrote for the header, CONTROL IS A TWO STEP DANCE.
I have spent alot of my life trying to get approval, from my parents and from anyone I hold in high regard in particular. It has made me balance everything I do and say.
I am not completely closed off, but I could see how easy it would be to do so.
My being here on my own is giving me the chance to see myself in another light.
I HAVE TO CARE ABOUT WHAT I THINK for a change as the first thing and as the top priority. I have to say to myself, well what do you think you should do. Your opinion counts.
I have even managed to say to myself, look at you life as an adventure.
This helps me when I hear the naysayers in the background who expect me to fail and to need them.
LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE
LIFE is what you make it
YOU make it
MAKE IT
The heart is the c e n t r e
As someone who has been blogging since 2002, this blog has come about as my personal electronic diary. This is not meant for the public, but for my own use.
_____________________________________
One of the things that writing online has shown me is that like life, writing has gaps that cannot be filled by one blog to the other. I have spent a long time trying to manouvre between writing things that I want to write and keeping private thoughts off line in my own diary. This blog allows me to come to a place of refuge where I can express myself freely without the focus of other things clouding my way. One of the things that I intend on doing in this space is to look at my spiritual wellbeing. In order to do so, the places I write, all offline, needs now to be put in one place.
____________________________________
My writing shall consist of things that I have read, information that I have gathered, exercises I have to do.
_____________________________________
One of the things that writing online has shown me is that like life, writing has gaps that cannot be filled by one blog to the other. I have spent a long time trying to manouvre between writing things that I want to write and keeping private thoughts off line in my own diary. This blog allows me to come to a place of refuge where I can express myself freely without the focus of other things clouding my way. One of the things that I intend on doing in this space is to look at my spiritual wellbeing. In order to do so, the places I write, all offline, needs now to be put in one place.
____________________________________
My writing shall consist of things that I have read, information that I have gathered, exercises I have to do.
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