Today has shown me the use of energy in a way that I have not had a concrete way to look at it before. I was thinking about something from the past in my marriage that had upset me, but I did not come to any conclusion about it. Like a book, I put it away for later. When later came, I had an altercation with both of my parents over a very minor thing, and it happened because of a statement my father made that reminded me of the hurt that I brooded on earlier that day.
I was so shocked at my reaction to what went on. It was completely blown out of proportion. I was so heated and demonstrative, but moreso, shouting in a very emotional way. I could see myself and hear myself as though I were standing next to myself. I was not happy with what I saw.
I was most surprised by the way one small thing is not small at all, and no matter how together you may think you are, you can find out when you are least prepared, that you do not have it all together at all. You have deep hurts, and you still have to find a way to deal with them.
I am lucky that I like to write down these things, because, now more than ever, I feel that i need to make sense of my experiences.
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