Time

My birthday was yesterday,and I thought about Richard all day. My grief is now about his last few days and last few hours,how did he spend it? Did he have any inkling that he was dying? I know that I shall have many moments of this sort of hurt and sadness that just cannot be shaken just like that.
It has come and broadsided me. I sometimes feel as though my balance is off,and things that I felt comfortable with are not as sure to me now.
However, on another note, my relationship with my ex-husband is improving,and I feel much better about that. I also got a really special letter from an old friend a few hours ago, telling me not to stop working, so that was very supportive, and deeply appreciated. I feel so up and down and I know that I just have to go through it.