Some new developments are happening with me. Someone is finding their way into my life. I might have mentioned him before. But for all intents and purposes, I shall call this person The Towers. The T has known and pursued me for some time. But we have only really talked. I met him twice, as he too is a frequent flyer. But unlike his namesake, The T has made money on a level where that traveling comes from his investments. We have established a lovely friendship, and he has called me in many different circumstances, told me his news and about his life, and given advice and even made my family love him too. However, I was not looking at him as a possible love interest. Who knows....I shall see.

Bitter and sweet

My first bf called me on the 19th to tell me that our dear friend, his best friend since they were about seven years old, had died in a var accident. I had known him since I was fifteen. Last year he and I hung out for the first time without former bf , and I had felt as though he had wanted to reach out to me. He told me a great deal about his life, his plans, his hopes and dreams. It was an unusual and quite nice meeting. He kept in touch with me from time to time, always interested in me and what was going on. He was a really great guy. My former bf is doing what he can to plan the funeral and act stoic, but I know that he is hurting very deeply. I have been through that myself, and I believe for him, it is the first of his oldest friends to go. ...... Meanwhile today, the " last day of the Mayan calendar and the END of the World" was also our deadline to give in our thesis project. Much to my dismay, I was still working on it up to the final second to give it in. Not where I wanted to be at all. But it could not be helped. I created one hundred booklets and boxes for an annual event for my mother over a two day period for her deadline of December 20th, so I was really pushing it. Naturally, I would have preferred a full day to look over the document and be certain that it was thorough as it could be, but it was not to be. It turned out to be quite beautiful.I have much for which to be grateful,and I am now planning how I want to launch my business for real. ....... On yet another note, FF contacted me and informed me that he will no longer be doing the frequent flyer thing, as he decided not to renew his contract. I told him that I would support any choice he made, as I completely believe in his sound judgement..meaning, if he changed his mind, it would not make me think of him in less regard. When I told him that, I felt something shift between us.he has since been sending me lots of texts with smiley faces...lol. I probably passed some male/female test of his! I have not found that in his character. But you never know. ........... I am exhausted and wired tonight, so much work and rushing, and juggling everything in my life this year. So much still to get done...but I need a good nights sleep and then I shall think about it all.

Nearly

The big presentation that I had been working on happened last evening. Now that that is over, I just realized a big lesson learned from the whole experience. I had a moment during the last eighteen months where coming down to the end, I was very, very frustrated by how I felt two of my lecturers treated my project. I felt like they didn't care one bit about it. I was actually shocked that I felt as apathetic as that, and knew that I had to pull back and take stock of my reaction. What I discovered was a need for attention. A need to be heard and validated. I was not expecting that I would need anyone to do so. My project has never needed anyone's stamp. What was going on? A friend set me so straight, telling me to get over the pity party and prevail, and that did it. Thank you F.E. Then suddenly these same lecturers started noticing and talking up my projec leading me to wonder whether they were having me on,their enthusiasm suddenly seemed too dramatic. That was helpful too, because amidst all of that,one lecturer said something that stuck, and stuck well. At the end of the day, own your project be passionate about it. That is all. Sell the he'll out of what you believe in. Now that it is over, I have to complete my thesis, and I now hove the time to really make it a beauty. I shall rest tonight and start to handle it properly from tomorrow. Writing a bit here and there, getting the theory parts together, as the deadline looms very near as well. But now I feel a relief from what I am doing. Thank goodness.

2013

Next year will be the time for me to jettison some baggage from my life. In every way, a spring cleaning and assessing new projects. My old way of doing and of thinking ain't cutting it. I am not seeing results that garner confidence. For years I have been on the cusp. With this degree, I asked myself, how had I been thinking before? I have definitely removed and seen some blocks to my progress, and some of them are downright unfortunate. For example, just not getting certain supports, not knowing that one small step to the right or left could have made all the difference. Another Masters degree may be in the works for me as well. I may consider learning something in the technology field to supplement what I have learned now. There is much to do. I see myself anew, and a new year is wonderful in the sense that it encourages such feelings naturally. As I write, I see the entrepreneur in me, gosh, I had left her behind twenty odd years ago. But it is clearly never too late. Thank goodness for that.

What do you expect?

Life is nothing if not interesting. Last year at this time, I was determined to do all that I could to have a more reasonably paced year. I did not actually succeed, but I am here, aware of what I set out to do and I have come quite a way in the process. I bought an item for myself this year, the item that I am writing in now, that I have been very satisfied with. It has become a very large part of my personal happiness because I can read my new (bad habit) fan fiction at any time that I want to do so, and I do this every day. In buying it and in the final payment made on the pencils that I wanted to get, I can say that if I had not done these things, I would have considerably more money in the bank. This brings me much confidence, because it tells me that I can save even when I think that I may not be able to. I learned this year that there is only so much that I can do, and that I am grateful that I am able to do them. I have worked on being less judgmental about life, removing certain expectations about things. I have been watchful over my ego, willing to look at other points of view and making sure not to take myself or life so seriously that it affects the way I feel and see. I found two great meditation sites this year, and I look at them every few days, and they sustain me considerably. This year I came to greater realization of what I want for myself, what I can and cannot do, and whether certain things are worth doing. My romantic life, though very spotty to non-existent, was faced with some interesting moments that brought me to a greater sense of my needs. I did quite alright this year and next year, god willing, I have much to do, including a show of my own. I am optimistic and grateful, and amidst all of this, pleased that I feel so confident about where I am setting my sites.

Recently

Of late, every time I have written here, my posts are not being saved and posted.it-has happened twice. I am trying again tonight. I wanted to write about the wisdom of my little one. Every night is special for me because we spend very precious time together. We lie down and I sometimes play her something on my I-pad, or we talk. Or I read a story. That time is truly dear to me, and many times I hear some sage things from her. Tonight it was not something she said, but something she did. She took my comforter and put it over me when I said that I was tired and she then chose one of her stuffed toys and offered it to me, saying that she thought that I would appreciate the company. I then told her that I was sure that she too would appreciate some company, and gave her a hug. Needless to say, we both snuggled under the covers for warmth and she promptly fell asleep. As her breathing proved to me that she was indeed down for the count, I basked in the beauty of the moment and it dawned on me. I am so damn wealthy, so blessed, so loved. The point is to work from that point of departure outward, so that everything else in my life is seen and experienced from such a place.