I read somewhere once that the biggest cause of grief is comparing yourself to others. I understand that fully tonight. My child tells me, when I am trying all sorts of pep talk to get some sort of compliance from her that I am trying to change or criticize her, and I know that in a way, she is right. On so many levels, I feel that she is doing exactly what she needs to do to be who she is, and that I and so many others like me, stifle who she and her generation shall become by placing labels on what they will come to know as possible. But moreso tonight, the understanding is about me. I caught myself thinking about my ex and got into a monologue as I always do in my mind about a conversation I would like to have with him, if only we could get along. Last week I did very well. I concluded that I have to accept that he would treat anyone else as he treats me and that I am nothing special in the bad treatment department, it is who he is. Now, I can add to that and say that, here I go again, being chained up by the belief that things MUST have some sort of order or pattern to work, and that is simply putting myself into another habit that will lead to frustration. There is nothing wrong with ambition, challenging yourself etc....but this is not about that. This is about wanting to control something that there is no way to do. I have felt soooooooooooo many leagues better since I just finally put down the gigantic weight of feeling that everything my ex did somehow was a stain on me, and my character was somehow impugned. He is really worse than voodoo, because I have let his words determine my progress. I woke up a few days ago resolute in the knowledge that this birthday coming soon,and right now, and every now, is an opportunity to start following the very BEST me, all of the time. Listen to my own plans and dreams, hopes and expectations in the knowledge firm knowledge that I will succeed because there is nothing else but success that I see.