Fear,fear,fear

Confronting what frightens me is so important to do.I have had some issues that have stumped me in ways that have made me feel incapable of acting. In the end, a decision was always called for. Sometimes the issue turned into slow going. But they eventually came to an end. Going through the whole thing felt like agony. But there was no giggle room towards the solution. Now, I feel differently about the unknown. The unknown is out there...it is always a series of variables that have to be looked at. My poison has seemed to be about money. I have felt so many times an impotence brought upon by situations beyond my control and recently, someone wanting to make my life difficult, quite deliberately to advance themselves. I do not want to feel dazzled by this issue anymore. I choose to think my way out of this illusion once and for all. A fear, any fear can be paralyzing. Mine certainly felt that way. I would put effort into solving the dilemna I was facing. I would give it the good old try, and then bam, I would feel like someone or a whole universe seemed to be conspiring to make certain that my one step forward would be preceded by eleven steps back. Many times, I took it on the chin, or shrugged off the situation. I didn't want to believe that what was happening was possible. Surely, a bit of positive thinking, a good nights sleep...a new strategy...a knocking down and a new plan would help me? Surely?!? The conclusion that I come to now is based on looking at the way other people I know handle their poison. I have observed what we have in common. A big thing we have is the mythologizing of the problem. It is almost romantic, stating the issue in bold parentheses.We speak about the poison enough to have the answer inside the problem, laying nakedly out in the open...yet, somehow, we are completely blind to the answer? Why? Sometimes the answer is something we just do not want to hear or to do. The answer may be to leave the situation. But we are unwilling to start all over again. Sometimes the answer is to start afresh with no hindrance from the people who assisted in the creation of the problem to begin with. But, again, that sounds impossible...we are too old, too set in our ways...we see no way for this to work without pain. The known is safer than the unknown. Sometimes, the point is t yank off the plaster, set yourself a task, take one tentative step, then take another and plan for the next step and don't look back. Keep taking the steps. yes, your cold sweating. Yes, you feel faint and nauseous. Yes, you want to scream. Take the step anyway. That is how I see things now. Take the step...the alternative is not worth the risk.