There are times when I find that I really have to work at keeping my mind on my best. Sometimes I want to fall back into the feelings of desair, because I think that if I don't acknowledge them, they will act out something to bring me to my knees. Also, sometimes I feel as though I am walking in mostly darkness. How is it that I can feel so good one moment and then the extreme opposite the next? I am tired tonight, and I was tired last night as well. I opened this blog and all I could write was three sentences. However, as I write this, the cloud is lifting. I just needed to come here and rest a moment. I know this feeling comes over me because there is something I feel disappointed about, and that of course is an expectation. I think that I have at least one or two things to feel really good about, and other things that I am working on that shall be very satisfying. I have no need to be glum. The things that I think that are making me feel like this is rejection. I just am conscious of all of the things that I worked really hard at that seem to have left me feeling that all of my efforts were in vain. It may help me tonight to think about what I can do to change what I am feeling. I think that I have also fallen into a rut in some ways. I changed up my routine this week, and I felt the results of that. I am establishing new friendships and I almost said no to an offer to hang out with them because I am so used to not going anywhere or having anyone invite me to anything. I know that part of saying no is because everyone else is peered up and I loathe the very thought of making small talk with people who may feel as dis-interested as I can. Yet, I stay at home and I always have something to do. But I cannot shake the knowledge that I am substituting that busyness for friendship, closeness and fun. My attitude is not getting me anywhere. I have to make more of an effort.