finding myself anew

When people are argumentative with me, and I stay very much in my centre and willingly aquiesce, and I do so because I chose not to argue or to match the energy that I see as wasteful...I am met with more aggression most times. However, that behavior is not as important to me as how it affects my direction. I write this because my direction is what I focus on after such exchanges. This year I have found that I am looking at experiences with people as if from above. I think that I can equate it to Neo in The Matrix. It is an exceptional experience. One that I am willing and able to explore more. Another issue has been about the fact that whatever choices you make, you face the consequences of the energy of that decision. That is simple enough. Yet, when things are not going your way, it is a cacophany of anger and drama that meets you as a childish reaction that gets triggered. Again, this is but a moment. It is kind of like observing wheather conditions. Things come and go, I observe the birds in the trees or an ant walking along the table. If I can see my moods in such a way, I can avoid committing to bad moods as the ones to obsess on. I think that at is something to take into consideration. I am always getting to know myself although I know myself. Some things stay with me and become a record playing in my thoughts. Those are the most challenging moments for me. Why do I do that? I've read and heard that it has to do with some inner beliefs that are so hardwired that sitting with myself over time and listening to what the actions tell me is part of the relief. Also, as I read this back I realise that some of this has to do with the need to be perfect, something that can never be attained. I saw in my mother a great deal of perfection in my mind. She still holds hersepf to very high standards and I admire and appreciate that in her demeanor. I would say that both of my parents carried this within themselves naturally to my child mind and teenage mind. Coming to terms with this fact is within the fabric of who I have been to myself.