Greateful

My dear friend and I had an evening like we used to have in the past when she had her store. I have been missing my friend and her councel. She told me so much about what was going on in her life, and I shared myself as well. But what was more important was the spiritual lessons learnt. It was so good to listen to her experiences and to see that my friend has grown and believes in what she is doing. It gives me the insentive to take whatever step is needed to meet my own goals.

humble learning

Today has shown me the use of energy in a way that I have not had a concrete way to look at it before. I was thinking about something from the past in my marriage that had upset me, but I did not come to any conclusion about it. Like a book, I put it away for later. When later came, I had an altercation with both of my parents over a very minor thing, and it happened because of a statement my father made that reminded me of the hurt that I brooded on earlier that day.

I was so shocked at my reaction to what went on. It was completely blown out of proportion. I was so heated and demonstrative, but moreso, shouting in a very emotional way. I could see myself and hear myself as though I were standing next to myself. I was not happy with what I saw.

I was most surprised by the way one small thing is not small at all, and no matter how together you may think you are, you can find out when you are least prepared, that you do not have it all together at all. You have deep hurts, and you still have to find a way to deal with them.

I am lucky that I like to write down these things, because, now more than ever, I feel that i need to make sense of my experiences.

new territory

I have not written in quite some time.Things have settled down, and we are now officially divorced. It is strange, but now that that is the case, he wants to talk and wants to be rational. It seems that marriage was preventing him from seeing straight. I am a bit resentful that he could not see all of these very obvious signs before all of this happened? But that is just the way that it is! Say la vei.
It is a strange feeling to now have to develop another type of relationship with him. But I am determined to do so, as the person I was when we married, was always concerned about his feelings and not upsetting him with things that would make him unhappy.
Not being married anymore means that I really don't have to have that concern. I can forge what I want to see.

truth and consequences

Your heart knows you're not entirely happy with a certain situation or with your declared plan for dealing with it. Coming events will vindicate your viewpoint. Try not to worry about something already on the mend.
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Yesterday my soon to be 'x' husband asked me to meet him for lunch. I though meeting was unnecessary, but soon came to realise that he wanted to see as well as speak to me because he has a court order not to email me any threatening letters, so he has decided not to email me at all. Thus, having to meet.
Time is such an important elixer, and although I needed to vent my pains and I certainly did, I was also able to push past much of what I had been feeling, to listen to his suggestions to me.
He repeated the plans he has had for Canada, yet again, only this time, I really can affect him negatively if I decide that I just don't want to go. Yet, he would allow me to affect them, because he can go to Canada anyway. He doesn't need me to be able to go.
I sat in the restaurant and felt like I was having an out of body experience.He and I said so much, that all I can muster now is that we are now tentitvely on the road to a new 'relationship'. Not just for our child's sake, but for ours as well. Can we be friends? I don't know? I have never had such a contentious friend. However I will try, because I did like many things about him, and I prefer seeing him than being broadsided by his strategies.

moving on up

I have not written in quite sometime. So much has gone on. The decision to start this site was a very good one, and it really helped me considerably. I am now truely standing at a new doorway, with things to do that impact me first and only. It is both exciting and daunting at once, and I am ready to be much more creative in my life and in my work.

Think of all the experts charging their inflated fees who would be out of work if only we knew how simple most of their jobs really are. You are about to get much satisfaction as you discover how simple a troublesome situation really is.
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Ok, now this is getting creepy in a good way. That is my horoscope today in the Toronto Star and it is on point! I have been dealing with a few matters in court. (Yes, it has been that long and reached to that) and I have spoken to five lawyers and have to conclude that they ask alot to do very, very little! It is appaling. But the worst part is that I have been trying to get it into my soon to be x-husband's head that talking over custody is better than going to court and fighting over what we will be asked in a court of law to do anyway. But he seems determined to make everything difficult and to spend what he cannot afford to 'show me!' It is all so unnecessary and wasteful.

long, cool breeze

I have not written in awhile, so much has been going on in my life. I am actually glad that I have not had a chance to, as the things that have gone on have been awful. I have been stressed out and my family and friends who are closest to me have been as well. It has ben a very trying time.
Yet through it al, in my inimitable style, I look for the blessings within the experiences and manage to find them. The biggest one being the little one, who is with me at last!