head space

There is a lot to be said for letting go and trusting in the process of living ones life. Of course things feel miles better when money stress is not at the forefront of my thoughts. One of the things that I have encountered is anchoring myself in the present and I hope to pass that on to my darling child. Yesterday I got a Whats App message showing me that she made her own breakfast. It was such a lovely message. One of the things that I have encouraged her to do is to find a space in her room that is just her go to spot. I bought her a gorgeous hanging crystal for Christmas, and wherever she puts it, it should occassionally bathe her in a rainbow of light. Many years ago I was in Scotland on a double decker bus and I spied a large reflection of crystals from the door of a store and loved it. Also in Scotland, I found a bootleg M&M candle that was chocolate scented that I loved. For me there are small things that make me feel comfortable, not a bunch of brick-a-brack however. This year I was looking for something and I sae how many pens. pencils and stuff that I just have laying around. I really want to go through everything and put things into catagories of keep, throw away, give away etc. I got really frustrated that I have so many things and they are just piling up in boxes. It said to me that I have so much and I should not complain about what I think I do not have. I got irritated with myself! So I decided to look at it squarely. Knowing what I have matters. I want to use what I have constructively.

Learning from hopelessness

Last year a project saved my finances. Then it began to get weird. Things that were straightforward started to go wrong, and this year it continues to do so. Part of the issue is this very computer. I need to get a new one, but the tech is unstable. The truth is, I needed to make a hard call this year when the problems began to happen again, and depending upon what the client tells me this afternoon, I will have to deploy my hunch. This to me is the ultimate professional nightmare, getting paid for something and then having that thing work in a way that the cost of all the hard work cannot justify the hours and hours of extended work. What to do? At first the feeling is one of shock and upset. It is then closely followed by doubt and feelings of fraud. This is not supposed to happen. It is a terrible sinking feeling. Now, oddly, after having every negative emotion seep into the problem, comes a moment when you just have to strap on your boots and see what you can do with what has been given to you. I am there today. Having some light come out of hopelessness is damn worth it.

great reading and doing

Goals help us to see a bigger picture, to achieve or maintain balance, to be focused, or to be happier or more successful. We hear and read about goals all the time, but how often are we taught to create our visions and goals in a way that achieves balance in EVERY area of our lives, not just a select few? I have spent a large bulk of my time the last few months learning, training, questioning, and searching within myself to make sure that I am doing what I want with my life and heading in a direction I am truly happy with in each area of my life. I think this is mostly due to my pregnancy- a true incubation period. But as the baby prepares to emerge, new ideas, projects, and goals are surfacing as well. I stumbled upon the goals techniques taught by Jon Butcher. Jon’s company Precious Moments has done $10 billion over the last 30 years with it’s best year at $600 million. He used to have this big notebook with 12 categories in it. Within each category, he had photos, images, ideas, etc. as his personal vision board. His technique was so powerful for himself, that he launched a project called Lifebook that allows all of us to establish our own life vision through these same 12 categories. This is a very powerful technique because it helps us create a vision while in balance in each important areas of our lives. Let’s briefly explore these 12 categories in which to map out our life goals and a couple of prompts to help get your brain juices flowing and help you pinpoint or visualize the balance you want to achieve. 1. Health and fitness– What do you want to weigh? How do you want to feel? When do you want to complete your first marathon? 2. Intellectual life– What or how many books would you like to read this year? What seminars would you like to attend? What skills would you like to attain? What classes would you like to take? 3. Emotional life– Where would you like your energy and happiness levels to be? How would you like to feel throughout your day (including the afternoon time when a lot of us normally feel a “slump”)? 4. Character– What do you want to stand for? What values do you want have? What level of integrity would you like to operate at? 5. Spiritual life– What personal spiritual practices would you like to maintain or begin? How often do you want to pray or meditate? How often do you want to visit church, a meeting, a service, etc.? 6. Love relationships– Who do you want to be with? What kind of partner do you want to be? What type of life do you want to live with your partner? Where do you want to vacation? Where do you want to live? 7. Parenting vision– How do you want to parent your children? What values do you want to instill in them? How much time do you want to spend with your children each day/week? 8. Social life– What types of friendships would you like to establish? What kind of friend would you like to be? What types of activities would you like to experience or enjoy in your social life? 9. Financial life– How much money would you like to make or save? How would you like to see money flow to you? 10. Career- What positions would you like to fill? What skills would you like to elarn or attain? What types of projects would you enjoy working on? Where would you like to work or be employed? 11. Quality of life- Where would you like to live? What would you like your home or car to look like? Where would you like to travel? How does your daily life look? 12. Life vision- What do you see as your grand contribution to yourself, your community, or your planet?

Twenty-two thoughts

I have written many times that the feelings of hope that come with a new year should be bottled.No matter what, a clean slate, starting over from wherever you are is a good feeling. I am making twenty-two comments to start the ball rolling-: 1. Be grateful 2. Be joyous wherever you are, for at least a few minutes 3. Breathe more deeply 4. Listen to the sound of nothing 5. Think about something that makes you smile 6. Smile for no reason 7. Recall a lovely smell and where the memory came from 8. Send yourself a love note written in your handwriting and put it in a pocket and forget about it. Add money to it. Do this with your partner's clothing as well 9. Stand in the reflection of a crystal sending out its light 10. Drink a fragrant tea 11. Massage your body with a scented oil or lotion right after a bath 12. Wear knitted socks in bed 13. Make your bed a haven for calm. Scented candle, knitted socks, soft music, a good book. 14. Have a vase for flowers around you. 15. Sink your toes into a fluffy rug at the foot of your bed 16. Wear something that chimes 17. Get a bathrobe or pajamas 18. Put a favorite picture into a frame and keep it near to your bed 19. Take a nap in the day 20. Fall asleep in a hammock 21. Buy some fairy lights 22. Do something on this list every day.

alone not lonely

We spoke about the uncertainty but necessity to work. The joy of the process. Family and their struggle to understand our need for space and quiet. We spoke about my father's death and her mothers struggle with dementia. She told me about the challenges of having a long distance relationship with the German guy she was seeing. What I liked as we talked was the fact that as she was saying things, she was working, and her strength in herself was and is so much bigger than anything else. I loved that. So many times I find myself admiring certain people, and what I am usually looking at is the visual of the moment. On closer examination I see that what I am looking at is what can only be seen as peace.

went for the visit

Visiting my friend was good for both of us. While I was writing that confessional the other day, I was conscious of my tone and my meaning. I have an ego on me.Lol. Naturally whatever I rcognise in my friend, I do because it is within me. She has her space set up for living and creating. It reminded me of the studio in Scotland. Being in her space was such an intimate thing. You can measure all of the effort. The main object being worked on in the centre of the room. A table devoted to a variety of flat pieces that were all stacked up. An area for her blender and grocries. A bag on the floor of her clothing. Two rolled up mats for her bedding, two fans, her phone plugged into the wall, always on in case of emergency. Her computer open on another table and a few chairs for herself and visitors as well as a few pairs of shoes for whn she steps out onto the compound that is relatively large and filled with manicured grass and huge trees. What it takes to do what we do felt so poignant, practically poetic. I cannot describe it really. All I can state is the awe of it all. It really is special to watch someone in action. The effort put forward is mindblowing. it is like watching a tigtrope walker from the ground. You do not realise that you are holding your breath until they get to the other side. When you work alone like that, of course all of your emotions come into play. You represent yourself, and so, you will want to take the temperature of others working in the same vein. Of course you want to represent yourself and your accomplishments. You have no barometre to take your own temperature. You only have the luxury of living and looking back to see your path. It is an odd juxtapositioning. You are absolutely free and within that freedom you are also anonymous.

The radar

A friend of mine has been contacting me lately, and it has been for two reasons. It is a weird thing, but I cannot help but be aware of the fact that getting a little buzz with what I am doing is something that they suddenly want to rub shoulders with. Yes, we chat and we are reasonably good as tentative friends. She is skittish, I am skittish. We have been through things. She also wants to pick my brain. I question what I am doing where that is concerned. I write about this with difficulty because I feel like I am exposing a secret. But really I am hitting closest to home because I have been in this position before. Thus, who knows what kind of friend I am now? I cannot be a true friend when people choose me. When that happens, I have my back up. If I choose my friends, then, that is another situation entirely. It suggests positions of power and that word also does not sit well with me. However, the relationship we have is what it is, and I am writing now because the talk we had today was so transparent. But I cannot blame her. When one is a loner, the only way for others to know about what your doing is to say so to someone relevent to listen. What's always good about what she does is it encourages me to also take my own temperature about my own intentions. We live in a little bubble and we are always looking at the ooze of colours.