Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing; hold on through the awful; and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul healing, amazing, ordinary, awful life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful. LR Knost ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... It never changes, the way you feel when the year begins. Fortunately I also feel that way when the year closes as well. There is so much to say and to do. So much hope. Yet amidst that, there are memories that come quickly to make you sad and to make you wish for different outcomes, because there has been so much loss again in 2022 and expectant this year because it is always the case. I have to balance my anxieties with my hopes and sometimes one wins and sometimes the other does and also neither does at all. I choose today to be happy and hopeful and moreso, hope filled.

tantalizing

A years end always feels that way because it holds so much promise. It also whispers changethat inevitably includes loss. Yet, so early in the game we just want to ignore pain and focus on pleasure. My new year begins right now. I am excited to see many projetcs actually finish and have them in my hands.

fantasyreality

Keep opening your heart. First they will think you are naive and crazy. Then they’ll think you are a liar. Then they’ll suspect you to be practicing voodoo, as if their limiting ideas of voodoo being ‘wrong’ or 'evil’ are true. Then they’ll call you a whore and assume you to be placing spells. Rapid manifestation from opening your heart will come with all sorts of judgements about you. AND NONE OF THEM WILL BE TRUE. Good things magically arrive to those who do the work to open up their hearts. There is no potion, spell, or craft that can outshine true love. Because the greatest form of untapped magic is love, the highest frequency on the planet. And it is the embodiment of this frequency that makes you radiant, magnetic, and unbelievably unstoppable. India Ame’ye, Author, The Melody of Love, “Om” Wonderfuk That word was not expected, but I decided to keep it.

Doing what you want to do

Not having consistency in everything that you work at can make you think that your not really working, and your not really moving forward. However I no longer think that way. Being more strategic this year I have experienced a greater awareness and confidence by focusing differently. I am most satisfied by knowing that putting one foot in front of the other and actually acknowledging that it is a step and not being overtly ctitical of the effort has been very good. Another thing has been looking at that belief that I have had forever. The one that expects that no matter how hard I try things will not work out and that I am fooling myself...I have been able to finally dismantle that. That has been gigantic for me. I did it by being able to state not only'so what'but also to know that even if 'so what' produces the answer of so what being still on the edge of the old thoughtforms, I can now know that making mistakes are not so damn terrifying that I can't be ok. Mistakes get made anyway. This has been about how I see myself. How much I appreciate myself,how much I am my own friend...thoughts like that. I am such a cheering squad for others and have not been so much for myself, and I am slowly but surely coming around to how much more I can achieve with the mindset that I am creating. I read many years ago, enlightenment does not mean that your not going to feel pain. It means that you understand that it exists and that you can travel through it and be ok. The next thing, an offshoot of all of this is the ability to look again at things that otherwise I might have shrugged off in the past. It is like I can see more of the chessboard.

why not

I spend a great deal of time considering all sorts of issues that can go wrong. I deduce outcomes based on past experiences. So recently I was very much in my head doing that when I decided that why not do this with my best thoughts. Why not enjoy living in a completely made up scenario that is my hope and wish? This made me laugh and definetly made me see that if I could spend so much time thinking one way, I can do the same thinking the other way.

Virtual world

I have commiserated for several years now how to move forward with a business plan that to me was all over the place. I had so many stops and starts, doubts, fears and absolute dis-illusion that I am impressed with myself that I am still at it. Today we are on orange alert weather watch, so the day is one where spending real time with self is the only thing to do and the most worthy thing at that. I am always on the look out for clues toward my goal. Todayone came in the calmest way possible. I was sitting in the lotus position thinking about an assignment I am setting out to do in about twelve to fifteen days. In considering how I am going to put it together, I began to think about the ogange alert and having to do things virtually. I considered also, what do I have at my disposal? What can I do now? I can see. I visiualize strongly and I can be very steady. I have also written many times that when I feel confident I would like it to stay with me for a very long time. I think that I finally know how to handle that. It means when I have anxious moments that I notice that I am feeling that way and that I am NOT my anxiety. These feelings are so satisfying.

gratitude tonic

Sometimes the nature of circumstances are such that having an open mind and patience can produce certain conclusions you were looking for. I had to go looking for something from 2017 for someone who had an enquiry. In so doing I found a lot of old papers, diaries and books. As I did so, I was going down memory lane, particularly when I found a photograph of myself I hadn't seen in an age. I thought, what would my younger self think if I came across myself now? I surprised myself with my answer. I found myself answering that I have not chosen the beaten path that's for sure.That opened up a floodgate of unexpectidly happy feelings within me. I saw that the journey is the point. I saw all of the ideas I have had and some of the projects I have worked on, and I just saw myself getting more done and enjoying even more of the process of making and publishing and that was so heady to me. I gave thanks over and over again to see that nothing has been in vein.