returning

As the days count down to my return, a number of thoughts bombard me. I am already faced with my husband's adamant refusal to pick me up at the airport. So I will have to get a taxi to my mother-in-law's home. I would like to stay the night, but it is likely that she will have no room for me. If that is the case, I will then have to take another taxi to my parents house. Not the way I would like to spend my first day back in Trinidad, but that seems to be the way it shall go.
My parents are going to find the whole thing very suspicious, and I shall have to be very selective in what I say.
My husband shall possibly call me at their home, because even in his nest of bile, even he would not be able to withstand the curiosity about me and my plans, and his mother would tell him that I came to the house to see our child, and he will want to know what I may have told her.
He would call me and fish around with me about what my plans are. In this instance, the only meeting that he can factor on, apart from seeing me by chance at his mother, is the possibility of meeting me for my appointment that is the reason that I am in the country to begin with. But he won't want to do that, instead he will call me on the 11th or 12th and try to quiz me about how it went. That is three or four days into my arrival back. I should make it a point to not be home. Why be available to him at all?
The trip already sounds stressful, but this unfortunately is the result of the sort of decisions that have been forced upon me by circumstances. After three days, my parents will become bolder and ask me what is going on? They will also want to know why and when they can see their grand-child.By then I will possibly have to say that we are having some problems, but reveal as little as possible. To reveal alot is to be brow beaten and harassed into depression.
In my process to secure my well being, it is instances like the one stated above that I shall have to by steely about.They shall pry, poke and cajole. But it would be best for me to let them know that I am dealing with the situation and I need understanding and respect.
By the end of the week, my husband will see that I have not backed down about staying longer. By then he would have also heard that I visit our daughter every day. He may endeavour to stick around so that he can see me. Not because he cares, but because his curiosity would get the better of him. My concern is that I not take our child out of her comfortable environment too soon, for too long, so I shall not do anything dramatic in that first week.
If he makes it his business to see me at his mothers' he shall again try to talk to me about my actions being irresponsible and selfish and state it as the reason why we cannot reconcile. All of these threats shall sound very hollow in person, as we are now face to face. If he reveals our situation then, then I will be inclined to speak to his mother about what has gone on.
I expect that she already knows, but she will try to seem magnanimous and unaware. That aside, she would know in due course.
At this time as well, he may wise up and want to actually talk with me about our child's well being. He may not want to do this at his mothers' home. No matter, where ever he wants to talk, my views are the same. Do you want to work on the issues we have or not.
If he says no, then we have nothing to discuss other than filing for divorce and by then, I should know when my check shall be available to me, so that I can then say, well, I am waiting to collect my money in hand.He shall tell me that that is fine, but that I should not return to Canada with our child. He shall wrangle with me until he leaves for London if he can get away with it.
Meanwhile, i shall have childcare issues that he shall attempt to strong arm, blaming me for all of our problems as much as he can, with the greatest forceful tone he can muster.
I certainly am in for it. But I must persevere.
Obviously I can write this script.
I have to keep my goals clear. He shall try to make me look as bad as possible. But I cannot let him get to me.
My parents shall be chorusing, we told you so's. My mother-in-law shall feel torn between her son and her grandchild. He shall also accuse me of ruining the well devised plans he has for Canada.
It is then that I will have to trot out that none of this would have been the case if he had made different plans a year ago when he decided that he was not happy. Here are the consequences of that casual decision - not said to upset, just said to make him see how what he decided affected our lives.
All of this sounds like a plot from a slow French movie. The bottom line is that one of us has the time to sit the others actions out, and that person is me.