A sprinkling of an inkling

The last few days have been revelatory as well as consistantly challenging. My friend and I had a mamoth chat on the phone where I finally brought into the open the whole divorce talk that my husband continues to bandy about. The conversation was very helpful to me because with the pieces of the puzzle in place, I was able to make some firm judgements for myself. It also helped show the complexity of the matter at hand. But that being the case, the decision is actually quite straightforward.
One of the things Stephen asked me, was whether my husband and I are always so competative with each other. I had to think about that. The answer is yes, we actually are, and what for? That is the question.
Our arguments are always about who can outwhit whom. I have realised that he may have started out with the intentions of taking the high ground and wanted to come across as though he had come to terms with his decision, but of late, all of his actions have been as emotional as mine.There have been the calls and more calls.
I would be lying if I didn't think that this gives me hope. But because of my own views, that thought is only a sprinkling of an inkling signifying nothing.
There are two things to say now. It is either that we put this rubbish behind us and move together or we seperate. Those are the options. In the instance of the latter, I am free to take my time with returning. (All within reason of cause)
What my husband fails to see is that his divorce decision would force(or encourage) a greater understanding between us. One that we would have to build to make our child's life better anyway. We would have to forge a better relationship because the alternative would be completely unacceptable-at least to me!
So if he thinks that all he would be doing is picking her up and bringing her back and having a standing order at his bank going into an account for her, he is wrong. He shall have to learn to communicate with me in a mutually amicable way.
I think that it is possible that he may feel a relief when he thinks of seperating because of all of the stresses that we both have been under. It has been hard on the both of us. It is a shame that we could not have gone another way. It would have been so simple to nurture instead of tear down. I am sad about that.
Running from what you perceive as stress is actually running from life in a way. I am still left with questions when I think of his revelation.
Yet, I also continue to feel in my gut that this is NOT about me at all. I am just the fallout of a bigger issue that has everything to do with him.