Growing up

What a difference a day makes

I got up this morning in much better spirits, knowing that I am in control of my life. No one is going to make me feel inferior. Yesterday when I sprained my foot, I thought, oh great, "poor me" is looking for the ultimate drama. Preventing me from being able to do what I must do this week! I went to bed convinced that today had to be better than yesterday, and you know what, it is.
Just a shift in consciousness has done this to me, and I have to write about it because I want to show and to know that I will continue to be positive and better and better in my life.
Today, I am so greatful for what I am feeling. This feeling knows that I can control the way things are and will continue to be. By affirming that I shall be fine and that the love of my child shall create for me better and better, makes me feel at last, a fullfilment in my heart - as opposed to the gaping hole I felt yesterday.
I let so many thoughts, opinions and actions intimidate me. It is clear that when I am faced with behavior that is strange to me, my reaction is uaually to shut down and overthink the situation.
I worry myself into a fit, and respond by listening and being advised by others, thinking that they somehow know what is best. Not realizing that I am an adult and my decision is as relevant and moreso, important for me.
I need not apologise for myself. I need not feel weak and unable to cope with what life has given me.
The worst thing that I have been doing is giving over my power to others, and I have been doing it very, very well.
Fortunately, I have been feeling twinges of rebellion...thus the leaving the house and the sprained ankle.
Today I can see so much more clearly, that I am filled with relief because of it. But again, I must learn from this realisation today. Life isn't so simple that such realisation concretizes all of the time. I have been asleep for a long time. It shall take some serious monitoring of myself.
I notice that whenever I feel good, I have something else that happens to floor me, and I mean literally make me freeze. It has been hard. I have felt pulled in every direction. Yet, today, I can see straight and know that the answer for me is to have goals, have my opinions, stand on my own two feet and declare that I shall be better, happier, stronger - and it shall not be a fluke. It shall happen because I finally understand that I am not a victim, I matter.