In Reading Over



I thought that I should look at some of the things that occupied my thoughts this year, and realised that I have not written about the latest with my ex huband.

The councellor we had gone to had annoyed me, because she ' to my mind' seemed to be asking me to compromise to move forward. However, at the end of the day, I came to the conclusion that if I were to really progress, I would have to let many things that urk me, go. I just had to forgive and move on.

During this time, he decided that he would go to Canada. He has been there since the end of September and he has decided that he is not willing to look for some low paying, blue collar job. He decided this last month, and ever since, he has not even tried to look for anything at all. He has also not applied for our daughters' PR card or seen to renewing his own.
His about face about Canada is much more staggering in nature than I could have expected. When I was married to him, I thought that his going would help him to see how important what he was doing here in his own country is for him. Yet, I did not expect that he would fold so quickly and so easily. I have to do my best to not compare his attitude to my going and his attitude to his going.
He did write me an email apology for having believed that when I had gone that I was not trying hard enough. I appreciate that, because I did try hard and clearly, I tried harder than he did.
To look back and compare, and to know that so much of our lives has been spent in the futile attempt to argue who is right or who is smart.
What was it all for?