It has been awhile since I last put my thoughts down here. I find myself here today because I am feeling emotionally out of sorts. This year I had a moment where I acted in a certain way, although I knew that I was better off not pursuing the whole thing.
I did it because I wanted to feel and to be in the situation. The person was there to make me feel that I was receiving certain attention and love, and I had missed this so much in my life.
Last week we finally had a serious talk and decided that it could not go any further. I always knew this, but I still took it on. Why? I shudder to think that loneliness could be the answer. In fact the answer is more than that I am sure. For I know that we mirror each other, and if I am going through this mental anguish that I am causing myself, I know the other person enough to know that I am not alone.
I just wanted to know that this
Christmas there was someone in my life who wants the same things that I do. All of this sounds hokey and I feel embarressed to admit that I need someone in my life, and that I miss love and I miss sex and I miss intimacy. I am at such wits end with myself that I just had to get to this diary to write because of how emotional I feel I am.
These feelings come also because I am feeling as though everyone else is doing something and enjoying their lives, and I miss my closest friend, and now this littel dalliance has just left me disappointed.