A good thing

I used to think that I "feel" too much, I am too sensitive. But now I know that there is nothing wrong with that. When I am aware of sensations around me, it is actually an opportunity to check my emotional temperature and that of those engaging me. Some of the feelings are...sadness, disappointment, concern, worry....anxiety based things based on ways that I have approached things in my recent past. So, imagine when I read this today..." Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." Ralph Waldo Emerson I found that so refreshing. I am quarrelsome with myself....going over silliness. At the crux of things is the fact that the evidence before me in the instances that still irk me, I decided to take some risks, put my feelings out there, test the waters... And I feel like it was for nothing. This is not true when I think on it rationally. I found out things, made decisions, saw how people behave and made strong choices...but sometimes you do not win friends and influence people by your actions. I did something stupid and did it for reasons that felt right at the time and when I knew better, I did better....but hurting someone in the process upsets me, because I never wanted to do that. Yet I think that in the end, everything was weirdly helpful because it may have finally ended something that was pathologically unhealthy for me. I want to confront this situation....and I do not know if it is just something that I shall have to live with. But this poor me archetype that I used to embrace, I now better now that I know that I am no victim. I also know that despite feeling bad to have hurt the person, I also know that my friend is in an abusive relationship, deeply, deeply afraid of changing and moving on because it has been so comfortable to pretend that everything is great. The other thing....I get mad because I think I got taken by a con artist. There was a lead on that I never fully felt. Yet I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt. I want to write all of this down to really get a handle on myself. The situation that I was talking about could only happen with someone I have known for a very long time. I want an apology.....that's why I am not settled. I want an apology from both people for taking advantage of my friendship, regard and love. There, I said it. I W A N T A N A P O L O G Y. So right now, I think that I need to imagine how I would feel if I got what I wanted.