Expectations

There are times when no matter how much you know, you feel a bit down. I know enough now to understand how to work with that feeling when it comes. I have some ideas that I know I shall enjoy bringing into reality. But I am impatient to see them happen. This may mean making some small sacrifices, like staying up a bit later, or going to bed a bit earlier, so that I can get them done. One or two large projects have simply stalled, and I do not know what else to do to get them back on track. I know that I should not worry about that, because when they begin, they shall require all of my ability, energy and time. So, why am I down? I can easily fill my time with the things I want to do. What do I feel is missing.....ah, I am getting very close to what is bothering me by asking that indeed. I feel as though all I have done is make mistakes. Miss the mark, not achieve what I set out to achieve in some parts of my life. I feel tired when I think about it right now. I do not see results that make me feel good about things. Perhaps if I think of the future for a moment that may help? No....that does not help. It is best to stay in the present and focus on what I am feeling. Regret. Sadness. I would like things to get better. I would really like them to get dramatically better actually. To get better in tiny increments does not seem to be the way to go in my mind at the moment. I would like to see big, better for a change. I feel this way because the tiny betters seem to feel like one step forward proceeded by ten steps back and I am fed up with that. I am complaining, and complaining is all about learned helplessness. Ok, so I feel a sense of defeat. I have to accept this for what it is and I have to know that it is only this moment, here that feels unhappy. My little ones face just popped into my head. Now, that did a great deal right there. That is helpful...it brought with it some other happy memories. I am definitely grateful for that. ..................... Message to self: Take things in stride. Count my blessings. See whatever I do not think I have achieved as somehow right for me at the moment and something to look forward to. Enjoy the process.