I am finding out more and more that for some things I feel socially awkward. I am not too different from my mother who is always busy doing so many things, and I criticize this way of being because it means that some things just do not get done. Yet, I am falling into that pattern again, trying to burn my candle from every end. In my instance it is because so many things interest me, and I want to get them done. But this is about my feeling unusual or finicky with some aspects f my life. Enough time has passed for me to be able to say that I would really like to be able to go at my own pace and not feel that I have to do this or that because it is what I should be doing according to some unseen dictate. I do not think that I come across as though I do, but still, I feel that way at times. Then there is the matter of feeling tired, missing the people in my life whom I felt closest to, and finding that there is just no substitute for them. I have made new friends, but I have not felt that I can be completely myself with them. Everyone who hs come into my life in the last decade are acquaintances, colleagues...not real, real friends. PerhapsI have been stand-offish? I am out of sorts tonight. Some sleep till be my tonic, I know. Yet, amidst all of my belly aching, I have promised myself something much more important and that is to nurture my best thoughts and that is what I will and must do.