I have come a long way. When I think back to the amount of energy I dispelled toward men,I cringe. I feel as though I made my life revolve around them. As I have deliberately worked on a few things this year, leading me here, I am so satisfied with myself now that I can see with confidence that I have put all of those dead thoughts behind me. I did it by doing much soul searching and real hard mental work. I started by understanding that I had a tendency to get into a lot of negative self talk that would go on and on. I knew that my ego was the culprit. I began filling my thoughts with new experiences and new information. The more vivid, the better. Then I began being more open to what I was listening to and picking up on the unsaid with greater awareness of what it meant. I also began to notice that my desires changed. I began to remember mown needs and my own goals as something to put first. Those small adjustments have gone a long way to helping me move forward in a way that I should. I presently have been going to bed and waking up with my mind ONLY on what I would like to experience in my life, particularly where my next steps need to be regarding my career. I am now planning on following that up with more allowances for 'new' sensations about seeing myself achieving the things I want to achieve. ....................................... I am thinking of getting married this year on my birthday.It shall be a very important experience for me, because my thought is to marry myself. I shall be looking for a ring, and I have decided to write myself some vows-: I promise to love myself and be kinder and gentler to myself. I promise to take care of my mind, heart and spirit with good things...so within so without. I promise to listen to my body and my minds needs and to take my temperature at all times, not to be dogmatic, but to hold myself to account for my actions, as I endeavor to respond to things in my life from a place of balance. I promise to forgive myself for my transgressions without hateful, negative self talk. Above all, I love myself because I am. ..................................... A mountain top shall do, or any space that is wide and pristine would suit me. I would make myself something simple, yet special. I would invite those closest to me to share in my marriage. I would have a small, intimate reception where I would encourage my guests to embrace love and loving themselves as well. I would have a Nun at my ceremony. ..................................... I am considering this very seriously, particularly because, after all that I have been through, it seems that that is what has been missing in my life. I believe that my symbolic act shall bring me great personal satisfaction and alignment. By doing this for myself and no one else, I would be declaring myself as independent and free to really be me. .....................................