back so soon

I meant to write that I have been giving much thought to what can only be termed, 're-inventing' oneself. Although that is not exactly what I would call my rumination. Of late I have been listening to people I know when they talk. I can practically predict what shall happen to them because of how they unwittingly speak about themselves and their lives. in fact, I am very startled by how much we give away our intentions with the cavalier way we speak about our expectations. I am so caught up with this at the moment, that I am considering buying a tiny tape recorder and taping myself so that I can actually learn to speak differently where needed. I am completely convinced that all of us human beings speak our lives into existence every single moment. I am even now conscious of my thoughts when I am not speaking as well. The things I tell myself that definitely sometimes undermines my desire to do things better. I have seen how much improved I have been the year. When I feel anxious, or I get into a negative self talk, I have been able to pause and sot of step back from what I have allowed to come to me, and then been aware of my breathing and feelings and then I ask myself, why I am feeling that way at that moment. It has really been extremely helpful for me to do that. It has actually made me feel markedly better. I have had one big explosive emotion where my ex was concerned this year, and I came to terms with the fact that I have some work to do where being triggered by him is concerned...and I think that perhaps I may not be expected to always disperse my feelings, a blow up is a big feeling, and maybe in the future I may find that I have completely overcome any need to have them. But for now, I will not act as though getting one or two from time to time is some horrendous setback. ..... What is coming up for me as well is a reminder about gentler feelings. As I have made a huge step to look away from focusing on negative things, I find that my focus on nice things really have produced more and more of the same. So much so that my tolerance for people saying negative things can make me hyper aware of the need to double up on thinking as opposed to their thinking as I possibly ca, I don;t know where all of this is leading me, but I am very satisfied with what I have been experiencing.