* j* u*l *i *e *

Ok, so a year ago I was walking to get a taxi. I was wearing a dress that my mother found was old and needing retirement. But, it was a comfortable asymmetrical Indian cotton dress that had unusual pastel shades that still worked so well in my mind. I bumped into the man I would for a short time call 'julie mango.'I decided not to continue calling him that. Not because it doesn't suit him, but because the inside of such a fruit is yellow and the symbolism for the color isn't always positive, so I thought better of it. A year on, this julie mangomnan is still able to capture my attention. He was here for a wedding and he shall be back in two weeks. I am only writing here as a sort of placeholder. I don't really know what to say. I am a bit speechless. But I will say this, the symbolism for yellow with the title of julie mangoman is as follows-: sunshine,hope, happiness. The negative associations with yellow are actually not in the interior of the real julie mango. You peel back the green, red and yellow orange skin of the mango and inside that yellow colour is rich and bright. Glistening and soft, yet firm. So my trepidation with naming him so swiftly and then doubting has not juice...literally. Years ago, I did some images of someone eating a julie. I still have it. One was of the juice running down ones arm, and they were sucking the juice with the bulk of the mango in their hand. It is actually a quaint image that I want to do as a dinner plate drawing. It is really beautiful. I think about that and I smile fondly. I smile fondly thinking about the juliemangoman. Yes, I think that the two words work well together. A year on and what do I know? I am still working with my instinct and my vibe and I am still terrified to feel what I am feeling. It has taken a lot for me to get here. I have fought with my feelings for so long. I wore myself down. I got so exhausted arguing for and against my feelings in my mind, that I just held out a white handkerchief in my consciousness. It was really bad. I had to make a leap of faith in myself.