that's the way it goes, it goes, it goes...

I was in a rush to get here tonight because of some news I came across that I was not expecting. I found out that juliemangoman has reconciled with the mother of his child. When he and I last spoke he brought up their estrangement and seemed a bit irritated by even discussing her. But now, I see that they are definatly back together. I could be mad about it, but I am not. I have to say that it is a testimony to how we have been with each other. For a moment though, I felt that tug of deja vu. I find this out and he didn't just tell me himself! That's disappointing. So here I am again. Yet, not. Perhaps I was right about the yellow inside too? Lol. I learned a great deal with this person. Learning comes no matter what. All of this by the way sounded way better in my head. I always wondered how in the world we were going to work out? That was my initial thought. Then over time, I had other concerns...mainly the issue with the way we communicated, or didn't as the case may be. I just have to walk away. I am happy for his family. I would not have liked to be an issue anyway, and I have to assume now that at a certain age and stage in ones life, it is inevitable that I will continue to meet men whose lives are not uncomplicated. I can be magnanimous because I think that if I were struggling with my ex and he was in a position where we could be on better terms, I would be torn by the chance. I am not likely to ever be in that situation, so I don't consider it for myself. Nevertheless I relate. I go over how much he impacted me. He did, big time. I have male friends who have told me about great loves of their lives whom they did not end up with. I have even seen it up close by being considered that person. Now, I have to say that juliemangoman may be my kryptonite. I really was into him, and it was so simple, who knew that I had those needs? He was attentive, sensitive, gentle, masculine in a very domineering way that I liked a great deal. We laughed easily and talked easily about many things. He was practical and had street smarts. He didn't crowd me, contacting me all of the time in an overly needy manner. The chemistry between us was bananas!!! I felt that we had some sort of telepathy going on. (ha,ha,ha) The time we had made me actually consider him in ways that I never bother to consider a man around me. I don't go off contemplating the kinds of experiences I want to have, but he made me do that because one of our first long conversations was about traveling somewhere, and we just blurted out that we would go together. I loved his spontineity and his sensual, elegant manner. He said erotic things to me and loved being naughty and nice. What was there not to enjoy there? I appreciate what we had. I really felt that he matched me well, and I was looking forward to more. Alas, it seems not to be. ................ One important take away here is that this experience opened me for real love in my life, and by that I mean the kind that will truly be right for me.I can only say thank you. I am grateful for what I was able to see because I took the time to see.