From talked about to talked to

To my surprise today I got a call from the friend who just up and called me with the statement that we neeeded to take a break from each other. It had caught me off guard because between us, she was always the one calling me several times a day. Particularly as I was helping her with a few projects of hers. We had never found ourselves at odds, apart from when I had to put my foot down with the way she stirred herself up into a lather about some half phantom issues happening to her.I could not sit by and hear her disparage herself. I have also written about a few challenges she has made me feel because of how the friendship was being conducted....I don't think that that is too strong a word to describe it. It began to feel like work. Anyway, I was not thrilled to have any conversation with her. I was proven right when she proceeded to want to make some dramatic statements about when we last spoke. My sister has had a similar experience with a friend who behaved the same way after she (my sister) was dealing with the loss of her closest female friend. The situation was too similar in every way. I had some time to think about it, and I have an unexpected view of all of this. When I got divorced, I lost the sense of trust from friendships with others. Friendship is very important to me. I have always said that it is more important than love relationships because without friendship, love cannot happen. Now, I was thinking that she has been in my life for a reason and that I should accept that I am responsible for my part. My part can easily breed more distrust. More shutting myself off. more negative expectations from others. I don't choose to think like that anymore. I don't even choose to consider her an issue to me. She is going through whatever she is dealing with. Thinking that she is this and that is a waste of time. I want to give what I want to get out of the friendships that I make from now on. I got what I got with her because It is possible that I too was averse to giving more. Maybe I too was stubborn. Or maybe I was patronizing! I believed that I was being a "friend" when she was neurotic or scared and I am glad to have seen her grow and change for the better over the decade we had something that felt good. Blame really has no plac ein the equation. it is just that I don't deisre to be in a friendship that now feels so one sided and oppressive. I have no beef with her. I just don't want to deal with someone who really doesn't want to work on what may be wrong . but want to blame and want to only remain friends because of what can be gained. I know that that sounds contradictory to what I was just writing so fluently and fluidly. But I think that it is right. I mentioned what I may be reflecting and what I feel she has dished out. I state what I do because I don't want to go through it again with her. It is unpleasant. It seems that she is comfortable behaving that way...making demands as she does....and I am not going to change her. I am not going to put up with it. That's all.It is not for me. That's all.