Emotional IQ

After an absolute age I met up with some old friends this Saturday. Of course we were all masked, but we recognized each other easily and I concluded that that comes from always looking each other in the eyes. A sign of real friendships. One of the things I heard and stuck with me from so many great things,was her planning to give a gift to a foreign friend and that gift was a local work that we were talking about. A simple thing, easily taken for granted. But just the planning, based on what you do and what you expect was key to me in that moment. It was one of a slew of nudges at my listening post...those moments that guide your thoughts. At times I feel so dis-associated with what I do. I don't think of myself the way that I do of others.I see everyone elses life as planned out and working well. I am not always as certain. Thus the question to myself about being divided. If I am going to be up and down, I have to use a different tactic for myself. I started with taking a good look at that belief, seeing how much it doesn't represent me. It is slow going. I fall back many times. It is present in all aspects of my life. I want to know now what I am planning and thinking as though I am new to myself. I am so optimistic one moment, so enthusiastic and sure. Then the next it is as though I am sliding down a slide with twists and turns. I have decided to embrace that and to see it for what it is. It lasts as much as joy does. My tendency towards always 'feeling' and thinking....and then my doing and being....are all about give and take. I have my moments. As I write, I am very grateful for this contemplation. I do not know whether I have successfully captured what I mean to write. I must continue to put one foot before the other. Feel the things I feel and still put one foot in front of the other.