When I was out today I met someone I taught ten years ago. It was nice to see her. The conversation was a bit stilted. Sometimes when I meet people they ask me about what I am doing and reply in ways that I feel awkward. It is as if I am standing still and they are successful. When this happened today I checked myself right away. I asked myself what was it that I felt I am not doing. This was very easy, because right away I saw how much my challenges that I feel have come to the fore. it has nothing to do with anyone asking questions. It has everything to do with how secure I feel about my plans, hopes and dreams. That is all that is. So I gave her a shoulder bump and I then thought about my expectations. There are things that I still want to do. I believe that although covid-19 has been bareable, I feel the way that I do because I want to see successes, I want to move around in certain ways, including travel again. So of course there is a sense of stagnation. But what today did do for me is sort of cradle me in my own arms. I came to my aid and listened to myself and talked about what I was feeling and felt so much better for it. Oddly enough today I saw how much my ex husband and I were alike. I sat down and really had to take a long hard look at my personality.If I am not careful I could brood. if I am not careful I can fixate on the worst case scenarios for me. This year I started a few things that I thought would help me financially and they did not work out. I find that I pile on. I spread my reach and hope that something would work out. That lotto behavior is extremely challenging as lots of energy goes toward all of the ventures. Nothing is guaranteed,yet, lack of something panning out is very frustrating! How you manage disappointment is key. What do I have inside me to lead me along the path to succeed? What do I need to do? It is a cycle. Still, you learn and soldier on.