The business I am creating is based on all of the work that was done last year with the band. I am now looking at ways to continue that, and at ways to make it happen.
The work shall require the creation of a warehouse space eventually. I also want to have a small staff. What I need to do as well, it to look at other business models and compare and contrast myself against them. I know that there are some places here that are like my idea. One or two of them work all year long.
The second thing I must do is to know what I may need to learn. I certainly will over time have to buy materials and machinery. I would also like to train and put people to work.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Musings
My class today was very good with Charan. It brought back an old memory to me. I asked myself the question, what do I think my life was supposed to look like today? I certainly never saw myself as a divorced mother of one living at home with my parents.
I realize now that I needed someone to tell me some things back then that I am only hearing now. One of these things was that i should not allow anyone to tell me what is best for me. I had to tell a student that just yesterday when she began to cry when something that she heard, she believed to be negative.
I did have this belief that I was passionate enough about what I wanted to do, but I had too many doubts. I think that I needed to have people around me who understood my ideas and visions. But then, I did believe enough in myself, it was just that I never seemed to feel that I had enough money or some other issue. I suppose everything in it's own good time.
That what it's are pointless. But I did think that I would have had the stability of a lovely home, ability ton travel and a husband with whom I was still very much in love, who supported my ideas and vision and had his own successes to boot. Someone I really liked and who made me feel very comfortable and secure within the union.
We would go on family vacations. I would have had one or perhaps two children much, much sooner, and they would be nearly grown themselves. I think that that was what was supposed to happen. He would have been liked by my whole family and we would have spent vacations at the relatives in Canada and New York, but we would also have enough money to travel with hotel accommodations made.
That was probably the life that I was supposed to have made for myself. I should have had some business where my name was relatively known, I keep to a slightly pretentious , upper middle class attitude of privilege, and had only friends like myself, further securing that attitude.
I would be getting out of my Land Rover, going to my home in the best part of the country, considering what else I could do to keep myself well toned. I'd be happy, but wonder what life would be like if I had taken some risks.
......... It was interesting to do that exercise, somehow do not feel a particular attachment to that what if, as though I would have liked to have had it. Even though much of my present goals may be inside there somewhere.
I am here in the present. I have the chance to make the life I want to make now. I am not interested in a what if?
It's the where am I going now that interests me. Can I get an amen!
I realize now that I needed someone to tell me some things back then that I am only hearing now. One of these things was that i should not allow anyone to tell me what is best for me. I had to tell a student that just yesterday when she began to cry when something that she heard, she believed to be negative.
I did have this belief that I was passionate enough about what I wanted to do, but I had too many doubts. I think that I needed to have people around me who understood my ideas and visions. But then, I did believe enough in myself, it was just that I never seemed to feel that I had enough money or some other issue. I suppose everything in it's own good time.
That what it's are pointless. But I did think that I would have had the stability of a lovely home, ability ton travel and a husband with whom I was still very much in love, who supported my ideas and vision and had his own successes to boot. Someone I really liked and who made me feel very comfortable and secure within the union.
We would go on family vacations. I would have had one or perhaps two children much, much sooner, and they would be nearly grown themselves. I think that that was what was supposed to happen. He would have been liked by my whole family and we would have spent vacations at the relatives in Canada and New York, but we would also have enough money to travel with hotel accommodations made.
That was probably the life that I was supposed to have made for myself. I should have had some business where my name was relatively known, I keep to a slightly pretentious , upper middle class attitude of privilege, and had only friends like myself, further securing that attitude.
I would be getting out of my Land Rover, going to my home in the best part of the country, considering what else I could do to keep myself well toned. I'd be happy, but wonder what life would be like if I had taken some risks.
......... It was interesting to do that exercise, somehow do not feel a particular attachment to that what if, as though I would have liked to have had it. Even though much of my present goals may be inside there somewhere.
I am here in the present. I have the chance to make the life I want to make now. I am not interested in a what if?
It's the where am I going now that interests me. Can I get an amen!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Sensual two
One of the things I had to ask myself about feeling so sensual today, was whether I was re ing these things authentically? Was I getting blocked on my ex husband again? Part of the exercise in the car was of me imagining him taking me to a hotel that he had taken me to once many years ago. The whole scenario for me was of him acting in the present. So we looked as we do now and we were wearing what we both had on today. I watched the whole scene unfold in my mind, and I realized that what I was actually doing was observing a cleansing.
In our last two years together I felt completely rejected, the toughest part was the feeling of sexual rejection. It truly played with my feelings. I had to work very hard to not take it personally. But I did not always succeed. I internalized it. I know it. And this is why I seem to pull back with any man who shows interest, and there are four men who have shown interest. They are all living abroad except for my other ex, who is married. So, I have chosen what may be seen as safe men. Men who really cannot commit to me or me to them.
That aside, I saw my ex husband and I in that lovely hotel room, and we were both awkward for a moment and then got right into the familiar in a way that was heavily erotic to watch in my minds eye.
He apologized and I apologized and we cried and held each other and we definitely fucked over and over again, and I realized that. I have been holding back and burying how much I have had to just give up all of that. We had so much together and I had to literally take an axe to all of my feelings and bury them down deep. I remember the hardest thing was burying my missing intimacy with him. That made me feel like I was going a bit crazy for the missing it.
Confronting it today and then acknowledging to myself that I deserved to play out in my head the sort of possible closure I could get from a fantasy, seemed to me a very healthy thing to do.
In our last two years together I felt completely rejected, the toughest part was the feeling of sexual rejection. It truly played with my feelings. I had to work very hard to not take it personally. But I did not always succeed. I internalized it. I know it. And this is why I seem to pull back with any man who shows interest, and there are four men who have shown interest. They are all living abroad except for my other ex, who is married. So, I have chosen what may be seen as safe men. Men who really cannot commit to me or me to them.
That aside, I saw my ex husband and I in that lovely hotel room, and we were both awkward for a moment and then got right into the familiar in a way that was heavily erotic to watch in my minds eye.
He apologized and I apologized and we cried and held each other and we definitely fucked over and over again, and I realized that. I have been holding back and burying how much I have had to just give up all of that. We had so much together and I had to literally take an axe to all of my feelings and bury them down deep. I remember the hardest thing was burying my missing intimacy with him. That made me feel like I was going a bit crazy for the missing it.
Confronting it today and then acknowledging to myself that I deserved to play out in my head the sort of possible closure I could get from a fantasy, seemed to me a very healthy thing to do.
Sensual times
This morning I got into the car with my ex husband because I had to go to his office and then later in the afternoon he had made an appointment for us to see then psychologist whom we had seen a few years ago. The reason we were going to see her again, was because of the nature in which he has been proceeding of late with information that he gives me.
I got in the car and yet again, as we got away from the house, he cAsually let's slip that the appointment is cancelled. Naturally I got upset with him, and this made our daughter upset. She thought that we were quarreling, and she said so.
After she was dropped to school, he realized that he had go back to his house to get the computer that he forgot, so, on top of everything else we were now running late.
It was at this time that I did something unexpected, I apologized and said to him that it is unfortunately common that I react to his mood, and that I have done so because of how long we were in a relationship. I told him that I would
now promise him that I would become more conscious of this and not loose myself in his mood. His mood is his responsibility.
after I said that, I calmed right down and actually felt much, much better.
On our way back from picking up his MacBook pro, he was playing the usual pleasant music, including adele's Nevermind. I decided to rest my eyes.
Then I began to get very relaxed indeed and some wild thoughts started to jump into my head.
I recalled our life together. Particularly our sex life. I allowed myself to follow wherenthese thoughts were going. I am not dismissive of thesenthings any more, as doing this helped me overcome a sense of intimidation that I once had over someone who is my lecturer now. It was very helpful somehow myself at the time to imagine him sexually. Once I did that, I never felt that intimidation again.
So, I thought of just turning to him and asking him to consider us just leaving the office early and going somewhere to fuck each others brains out. It was almost funny to be feeling these things so close to him with him none the wiser.
I remembered all of the things we used to do and to enjoy together. It got me a tiny bit sad, but it also made me feel a combination of arousal and happiness too.
When we got to the office, we got right down to work and my impulses were goading me to go up to his ear as he bent his head in his work and tell him very breathily that I would always love him.
I almost laughed at the prospect of doing this, because my mind ran ahead to the possible reactions to such an extremely left field decision.
Naturally I ignored my impulse.
These feelings kept me feeling as though I was on a mental and physical high all day. I am not sure what an artificial high is like, never having had one, but I would assume that it might be similar to what I was feeling. I continued to think about him sensually, and this made me act from a place of quiet. So I was very soft spoken and sweet with him all day, and this actually made him polite to me.
So that was rather amusing as well.
Last night I was having a completely different experience, when my other ex made me aware that I could literally have him every day. For the first time I relaxed into his chest as we talked. Although we have a certain routine, I am fully conscious of the fact that I hold something back. But last night, I let something go a bit.
So this morning when I began to think of what I was experiencing with this other ex, I knew that it was a worthy issue for this diary.
It also reminded me of a conversation with my darling partner. He had asked me about this sexuality of mine, and We both said that I should use it. But at the time, I was afraid of it. Now though, I see that I cannot skirt around it. It is part of who I am. So what is it?
I am naturally sensual, naturally sexy. This is obvious to people who encounter me.
It does not impede me from my work or from having friends and aqua NRA CDs. I do not exploit it. It is just an underpinning to myself. Occasionally, when I am in a sensual mood, I must be guarded, because people who are aware of it, get drawn in whether they p,an to or not, and I mean nothing by it.
The man who is actually ready to engage me would be in for a treat.
Last week at The mall, I had an example of that. A handsome gentleman with very well kept dreadlocks came up to me and stood before me at one of the kiosks. I had seen him earlier at a fast food place. So he said to me,
"so, we went to Wendy's and we went to the mall. Where are we going next?" and without skipping a beat, I casually replied,"the appropriate answer should be, home with you."
fuck me! If I were a man on the prowl, I would feel that directly in my groin. I don't know that he found that forward, but I was surprised at my own reply.
This is going rather long. I think that I should write this in two parts.
I got in the car and yet again, as we got away from the house, he cAsually let's slip that the appointment is cancelled. Naturally I got upset with him, and this made our daughter upset. She thought that we were quarreling, and she said so.
After she was dropped to school, he realized that he had go back to his house to get the computer that he forgot, so, on top of everything else we were now running late.
It was at this time that I did something unexpected, I apologized and said to him that it is unfortunately common that I react to his mood, and that I have done so because of how long we were in a relationship. I told him that I would
now promise him that I would become more conscious of this and not loose myself in his mood. His mood is his responsibility.
after I said that, I calmed right down and actually felt much, much better.
On our way back from picking up his MacBook pro, he was playing the usual pleasant music, including adele's Nevermind. I decided to rest my eyes.
Then I began to get very relaxed indeed and some wild thoughts started to jump into my head.
I recalled our life together. Particularly our sex life. I allowed myself to follow wherenthese thoughts were going. I am not dismissive of thesenthings any more, as doing this helped me overcome a sense of intimidation that I once had over someone who is my lecturer now. It was very helpful somehow myself at the time to imagine him sexually. Once I did that, I never felt that intimidation again.
So, I thought of just turning to him and asking him to consider us just leaving the office early and going somewhere to fuck each others brains out. It was almost funny to be feeling these things so close to him with him none the wiser.
I remembered all of the things we used to do and to enjoy together. It got me a tiny bit sad, but it also made me feel a combination of arousal and happiness too.
When we got to the office, we got right down to work and my impulses were goading me to go up to his ear as he bent his head in his work and tell him very breathily that I would always love him.
I almost laughed at the prospect of doing this, because my mind ran ahead to the possible reactions to such an extremely left field decision.
Naturally I ignored my impulse.
These feelings kept me feeling as though I was on a mental and physical high all day. I am not sure what an artificial high is like, never having had one, but I would assume that it might be similar to what I was feeling. I continued to think about him sensually, and this made me act from a place of quiet. So I was very soft spoken and sweet with him all day, and this actually made him polite to me.
So that was rather amusing as well.
Last night I was having a completely different experience, when my other ex made me aware that I could literally have him every day. For the first time I relaxed into his chest as we talked. Although we have a certain routine, I am fully conscious of the fact that I hold something back. But last night, I let something go a bit.
So this morning when I began to think of what I was experiencing with this other ex, I knew that it was a worthy issue for this diary.
It also reminded me of a conversation with my darling partner. He had asked me about this sexuality of mine, and We both said that I should use it. But at the time, I was afraid of it. Now though, I see that I cannot skirt around it. It is part of who I am. So what is it?
I am naturally sensual, naturally sexy. This is obvious to people who encounter me.
It does not impede me from my work or from having friends and aqua NRA CDs. I do not exploit it. It is just an underpinning to myself. Occasionally, when I am in a sensual mood, I must be guarded, because people who are aware of it, get drawn in whether they p,an to or not, and I mean nothing by it.
The man who is actually ready to engage me would be in for a treat.
Last week at The mall, I had an example of that. A handsome gentleman with very well kept dreadlocks came up to me and stood before me at one of the kiosks. I had seen him earlier at a fast food place. So he said to me,
"so, we went to Wendy's and we went to the mall. Where are we going next?" and without skipping a beat, I casually replied,"the appropriate answer should be, home with you."
fuck me! If I were a man on the prowl, I would feel that directly in my groin. I don't know that he found that forward, but I was surprised at my own reply.
This is going rather long. I think that I should write this in two parts.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
2012 wishes
The new year is always wonderful, mostly because you are really programmed by the date to believe that everything is past, tabla rasa.
It is a time to reach out with your mind and create your year afresh.
....................................................
For me, last year acquainted me with myself. I saw that I have particular opinions and desires that I am no longer willing to just leave written in a diary.
I know that I have a side to myself that is mischievous, daring and naughty. It seems true that you cannot live one way forever, there must be balance, and in my instance, whatever you may feel you have missed, you meet at some point in your life.
For me, this existence apart from someone I thought I would grow old with, now leads me to a place where there has been some fear about moving forward. Now that fear has been replaced by curiosity and a determination to achieve what I perceive in my thoughts,
I am putting one foot in front of the other and seeing to what I want to achieve.
It is a time to reach out with your mind and create your year afresh.
....................................................
For me, last year acquainted me with myself. I saw that I have particular opinions and desires that I am no longer willing to just leave written in a diary.
I know that I have a side to myself that is mischievous, daring and naughty. It seems true that you cannot live one way forever, there must be balance, and in my instance, whatever you may feel you have missed, you meet at some point in your life.
For me, this existence apart from someone I thought I would grow old with, now leads me to a place where there has been some fear about moving forward. Now that fear has been replaced by curiosity and a determination to achieve what I perceive in my thoughts,
I am putting one foot in front of the other and seeing to what I want to achieve.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Hear me
This is the last day of 2011. It cannot be helped that writing tonight about the year as it passes into history comes up. A few days ago I had a romantic evening that was quite unexpected. But this was after having a really lovely encounter with man from India one early morning when I was working particularly hard on a project and he knew exactly how to warm me up.
I am now officially a slut of sorts, because I am experiencing more than one man at a time in a cyber world. Of course I am not the only person having this duality in my life, but to me, it leaves me wondering about myself....but not in a bad way, I am just amused actually. So, yes, I spent the late evening with my first ex...at his friends absolutely stunningly beautiful house. He has an infinity pool, and he has lit the pool with colored lighting that changes every few seconds. We decided to skinny dip, he and I...not the home owner...that would have gotten into territory that could have proven a bit too much....he has had this fantasy though....anyway, we had a wonderful time and then went back to my house, but before that, we had a bit of a heated session, and finally it was taken to the inevitable step. Although I do not believe that it went as far as he may think.
All of that aside, so much changes on a dime, but more so, I am now thinking that in 2012 I do not want to be in limbo anymore in any aspect of my life. I feel that all I have been doing is putting up with the least common denominator. I am not really living. I have not travelled in five years...that in itself is shocking to me. I have been working, but I do not have the kind of money that I should. I still have the same list of things that I need to take care of that I had five years ago?! Now come on now....what am I doing? Can things be better? I am sure that they certainly can, but I have to make it so.
I admit that getting divorced and starting over was scary because I had left my job and my ex husband was threatening me constantly and the court costs ate a big hole in my savings. But now, I find that more and more I am putting myself out there, taking risks and experiencing new things and handling failure very differently...making things happen in my life on my own steam. I think that it is time to say to the universe, give me better, give me the things that I am asking for. Hear me!
I am now officially a slut of sorts, because I am experiencing more than one man at a time in a cyber world. Of course I am not the only person having this duality in my life, but to me, it leaves me wondering about myself....but not in a bad way, I am just amused actually. So, yes, I spent the late evening with my first ex...at his friends absolutely stunningly beautiful house. He has an infinity pool, and he has lit the pool with colored lighting that changes every few seconds. We decided to skinny dip, he and I...not the home owner...that would have gotten into territory that could have proven a bit too much....he has had this fantasy though....anyway, we had a wonderful time and then went back to my house, but before that, we had a bit of a heated session, and finally it was taken to the inevitable step. Although I do not believe that it went as far as he may think.
All of that aside, so much changes on a dime, but more so, I am now thinking that in 2012 I do not want to be in limbo anymore in any aspect of my life. I feel that all I have been doing is putting up with the least common denominator. I am not really living. I have not travelled in five years...that in itself is shocking to me. I have been working, but I do not have the kind of money that I should. I still have the same list of things that I need to take care of that I had five years ago?! Now come on now....what am I doing? Can things be better? I am sure that they certainly can, but I have to make it so.
I admit that getting divorced and starting over was scary because I had left my job and my ex husband was threatening me constantly and the court costs ate a big hole in my savings. But now, I find that more and more I am putting myself out there, taking risks and experiencing new things and handling failure very differently...making things happen in my life on my own steam. I think that it is time to say to the universe, give me better, give me the things that I am asking for. Hear me!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
The man from India
Today I saw him online and I said hello. We had not spoken in a bit. He always sends me happy birthday greetings, and we chat, but there is something about him...because we live so far apart, I cannot really think ahead.
But we have a past that we share that he brought back up today and had me blushing.
It has been six years, and yet, it is still so sweet. What lovely memories.
I wondered about myself...I had discussed the ex yesterday and now this man! The difference though is that this man is very available...but hundreds of thousands of miles away, maybe a million miles away.
This man can speak and lull you with what he says.
This man can touch you and make you forget where you are.
He is gentle, and sweet and funny and speaks several languages....he's a cunning linguist....and talented as hell.
This tells me that I am open to much.
I probably am not monogamous?
It is not as though I am being asked to choose am I?
It just feels a bit odd to be thinking of more than one man at a time.
Am I a ....slut?!?
Lol.
The men who hold my interest share many traits in common. The bottom line is that they are all very stimulating, in terms of speaking to them and then further, in touching them.
I have had sex with none of them, so that may also be the interest.
I have no idea who or when I will have such intimacy. There is some fun in speculating.
They are different in height, all taller than I am though.
They are almost the same complexion. But they are of different races.
One is married. One is divorcing and the other is many years divorced.
Also, I know one almost all of my life, another over a decade and the other just under a decade.
I do not have the tendancy of knowing men for short periods and I also tend to love and have the men in my life love me in return. I am fully aware of how wonderful that is. I am speaking in terms of friendships. All of my male friendships are strong except for one lone person. my ex-husband, who does not want to be my friend.
That is so strange to me that I have taken a long time to accept that.
But my cousin told me several months ago that it is important to keep thoughts of good times where he is concerned, so I do that.
As I did today with my partner who is sceptical about some work that I am to do. I told her squarely that I knew fully well that she has doubts and I am keeping my focus on where we need to be, so her opinion is just that.
It has taken me a long time to understand and see when something is not about me, and I can get out of the way and not let my ego kick in or up.
I think keeping aware of larger goals can do that.
...........
So, man from India. If I were to see you sometime soon, we would certainly not be talking. It would be so easy, so quick, so natural to just turn to the other and kiss like we never parted.
~It would be so very natural for you to take my hand in yours and to whisper how good it is to see and to feel the other.
~He would allow that standing in place, just touching and smelling and feeling the other with the wind gently blowing around us, before he used his hands to caress my face and place his nose against my cheek.
~I write allow because, one would want to rush, but also one would want to savour, and he savours completely.
~He would push my hair back and gently move his fingers down my neck and look into my eyes, smiling at me, his eyes oh so close to mine.
~ He would whisper in my ear, something that would make my groin react and he would breath and speak and lick the tender flesh there before he would pull away...he would take my hand and lead me where we need to be.
We might both laugh because the leading would have to be to a place where there is cool water flowing. He would get out of his clothing and help me with mine and we would get under the warm spray and we would embrace and kiss and feel the others body in a way that would be all about the touch, first....the touch...his mouth and the water would make me feel so restful, yet also so aware of the fact that his body responds to mine so completely.
We would lather the other, enjoying the others' body, again, taking on the touch, massaging, feeling our way along, kissing, sucking, tenderly biteing, remembering and creating anew.
He would turn my body to the wall and touch me with everything, including himself...his hand going around me to touch my stomach and down to between my legs. I would feel him insistant against me, I may moan softly.
My head going back against his shoulder and he would cup my soapy breasts in his hands, gently, so gently...as his strong legs would rub up against my parted ones.
My hand would go into his long hair and I would turn to kiss him properly, deeply and he would lean into me, my leg against his muscular back.
He would say my name again and again as I slide down his body to take him in my mouth.
His hands caressing my neck and in my hair now, his head back, his breathing erratic over time. He slides in and out, blissfully.
He reluctantly pulls away and reaches for me. This is not where he wants to be, and as I stand, he reaches for me, more agressively. his hands parting my thighs.
His mouth over my breasts, one at a time, and down, wanting as much as possible.
He whispers, he smiles, he moans as he acts.
Is the water warm or is it us?
May I? He asks.
But we have a past that we share that he brought back up today and had me blushing.
It has been six years, and yet, it is still so sweet. What lovely memories.
I wondered about myself...I had discussed the ex yesterday and now this man! The difference though is that this man is very available...but hundreds of thousands of miles away, maybe a million miles away.
This man can speak and lull you with what he says.
This man can touch you and make you forget where you are.
He is gentle, and sweet and funny and speaks several languages....he's a cunning linguist....and talented as hell.
This tells me that I am open to much.
I probably am not monogamous?
It is not as though I am being asked to choose am I?
It just feels a bit odd to be thinking of more than one man at a time.
Am I a ....slut?!?
Lol.
The men who hold my interest share many traits in common. The bottom line is that they are all very stimulating, in terms of speaking to them and then further, in touching them.
I have had sex with none of them, so that may also be the interest.
I have no idea who or when I will have such intimacy. There is some fun in speculating.
They are different in height, all taller than I am though.
They are almost the same complexion. But they are of different races.
One is married. One is divorcing and the other is many years divorced.
Also, I know one almost all of my life, another over a decade and the other just under a decade.
I do not have the tendancy of knowing men for short periods and I also tend to love and have the men in my life love me in return. I am fully aware of how wonderful that is. I am speaking in terms of friendships. All of my male friendships are strong except for one lone person. my ex-husband, who does not want to be my friend.
That is so strange to me that I have taken a long time to accept that.
But my cousin told me several months ago that it is important to keep thoughts of good times where he is concerned, so I do that.
As I did today with my partner who is sceptical about some work that I am to do. I told her squarely that I knew fully well that she has doubts and I am keeping my focus on where we need to be, so her opinion is just that.
It has taken me a long time to understand and see when something is not about me, and I can get out of the way and not let my ego kick in or up.
I think keeping aware of larger goals can do that.
...........
So, man from India. If I were to see you sometime soon, we would certainly not be talking. It would be so easy, so quick, so natural to just turn to the other and kiss like we never parted.
~It would be so very natural for you to take my hand in yours and to whisper how good it is to see and to feel the other.
~He would allow that standing in place, just touching and smelling and feeling the other with the wind gently blowing around us, before he used his hands to caress my face and place his nose against my cheek.
~I write allow because, one would want to rush, but also one would want to savour, and he savours completely.
~He would push my hair back and gently move his fingers down my neck and look into my eyes, smiling at me, his eyes oh so close to mine.
~ He would whisper in my ear, something that would make my groin react and he would breath and speak and lick the tender flesh there before he would pull away...he would take my hand and lead me where we need to be.
We might both laugh because the leading would have to be to a place where there is cool water flowing. He would get out of his clothing and help me with mine and we would get under the warm spray and we would embrace and kiss and feel the others body in a way that would be all about the touch, first....the touch...his mouth and the water would make me feel so restful, yet also so aware of the fact that his body responds to mine so completely.
We would lather the other, enjoying the others' body, again, taking on the touch, massaging, feeling our way along, kissing, sucking, tenderly biteing, remembering and creating anew.
He would turn my body to the wall and touch me with everything, including himself...his hand going around me to touch my stomach and down to between my legs. I would feel him insistant against me, I may moan softly.
My head going back against his shoulder and he would cup my soapy breasts in his hands, gently, so gently...as his strong legs would rub up against my parted ones.
My hand would go into his long hair and I would turn to kiss him properly, deeply and he would lean into me, my leg against his muscular back.
He would say my name again and again as I slide down his body to take him in my mouth.
His hands caressing my neck and in my hair now, his head back, his breathing erratic over time. He slides in and out, blissfully.
He reluctantly pulls away and reaches for me. This is not where he wants to be, and as I stand, he reaches for me, more agressively. his hands parting my thighs.
His mouth over my breasts, one at a time, and down, wanting as much as possible.
He whispers, he smiles, he moans as he acts.
Is the water warm or is it us?
May I? He asks.
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