Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt
and dance like no body's looking
~
I found that quote on a blog and had to post it here. It is so cute, and so true. As I was writing, I felt a very strong earthquake. We do not normally feel them on this side of the island, so i can just imagine the reaction of many people. Particularly as yesterday it rained almost all day.
The Christmas season is bringing out a lot of thoughts about the year and about making peace with myself and others.
It is a time for reflection, and for making plans. It is really wonderful to be able to do any of that.
My friend is better, her son is here and his wife shall be coming in a few days, so they shall have a little romantic time.
I feel optimistic about my work and my plans, and I feel really good about things for myself and for those I love and know.
A few days ago I saw an image of myself on a student's cd. I looked bloated in the stomach, and I was alarmed at my silhouette. But the oddest thing happened. I was surprised, and then I instantly realized that I had to give thanks for even thinking of myself from the point of aesthetic beauty. i am fine, I live, I breathe, I impart information. Yes, I need to cut back on fructose and bread. But I am fine. I have nothing to be upset about. So what if I look less than my sexy best!
I thought of Britney Spears in front of the whole world being ripped to shreds on her body this year.
The perspective came home to me quickly.
I know what I can do to look my best, and it isn't difficult to do.
I think that what is helpful is the feeling better about myself and cultivating positivity in myself and feeling it from others that can guide you.
All is well.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
"When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly."
-Edward Teller
~
That is so beautiful. I have been meaning to post it.
last night I had a good lime with some old friends and I was able to talk about the latest news about me. When I visit this particular friend, I realise just how far I have come in such a short space of time. Particularly when she asks me certain things that I recall as vexing, but can discuss with aplomb.
Not that the composure is one of steely superiority.
On the contrary, it is something better. What I see is the progression and even more, the trajectory forward for myself.
~
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
~
My friend had another friend, someone I do not know, visit her. This person had gone through a divorce when her girls were seven and three. She had alot to tell me. What was very good was that she was not speaking from a place of victimhood. She has been able to be financially independent of her ex ever since they divorced.
It was good talking with her, and we all plan to meet before the end of the year for another get together.
~
"Smiling is very important. If we are not able to smile, then the world will not have peace. It is not by going out for a demonstration against nuclear missiles that we can bring about peace. It is with our capacity of smiling, breathing, and being peace that we can make peace.” Thich Nhat Hahn.
~
-Edward Teller
~
That is so beautiful. I have been meaning to post it.
last night I had a good lime with some old friends and I was able to talk about the latest news about me. When I visit this particular friend, I realise just how far I have come in such a short space of time. Particularly when she asks me certain things that I recall as vexing, but can discuss with aplomb.
Not that the composure is one of steely superiority.
On the contrary, it is something better. What I see is the progression and even more, the trajectory forward for myself.
~
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
~
My friend had another friend, someone I do not know, visit her. This person had gone through a divorce when her girls were seven and three. She had alot to tell me. What was very good was that she was not speaking from a place of victimhood. She has been able to be financially independent of her ex ever since they divorced.
It was good talking with her, and we all plan to meet before the end of the year for another get together.
~
"Smiling is very important. If we are not able to smile, then the world will not have peace. It is not by going out for a demonstration against nuclear missiles that we can bring about peace. It is with our capacity of smiling, breathing, and being peace that we can make peace.” Thich Nhat Hahn.
~
Friday, December 5, 2008
When your smiling the whole world does smile with you
Having been closed off from intimacy for so long, now that I am being impacted with it in writing by an interest so far away, I feel an opening up for myself.
I have a private smile, a bouncier step. There is something to be said for joy. This brings me a pleasure that is unexpected, and such a buzz. I find that thinking on this has done so much for me in the last few weeks. It has helped tremendously to take my mind away from the trivial nonsense of the day and the absurdity of my ex.
Where this shall lead I do not know. All I can say or know is that it feels wonderful to smile and have a private knowing.
Having been closed off from intimacy for so long, now that I am being impacted with it in writing by an interest so far away, I feel an opening up for myself.
I have a private smile, a bouncier step. There is something to be said for joy. This brings me a pleasure that is unexpected, and such a buzz. I find that thinking on this has done so much for me in the last few weeks. It has helped tremendously to take my mind away from the trivial nonsense of the day and the absurdity of my ex.
Where this shall lead I do not know. All I can say or know is that it feels wonderful to smile and have a private knowing.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
my ZEN week
My life feels like I am getting into areas that are uncharted for me. I had a serious moment of reflection about everything that I am doing for a living. This has now expanded to the meeting that I had today.
There seems not to be anything that isn't forcing me to look at things differently.
I have had a year to see what isn't working, and now I need to experience better and better.
My life feels like I am getting into areas that are uncharted for me. I had a serious moment of reflection about everything that I am doing for a living. This has now expanded to the meeting that I had today.
There seems not to be anything that isn't forcing me to look at things differently.
I have had a year to see what isn't working, and now I need to experience better and better.
Friday, November 21, 2008
He sent me this...
It is again midnight here...
what do i do with it, all hanging loose.
as if a tumultuous void...
awaiting the storm.
the mind runs loose and
there are no destinations.
the waiting lingers...
and so does the unending night.
if the poet was born this day,
it was certainly not the most auspicious time.
It is again midnight here...
what do i do with it, all hanging loose.
as if a tumultuous void...
awaiting the storm.
the mind runs loose and
there are no destinations.
the waiting lingers...
and so does the unending night.
if the poet was born this day,
it was certainly not the most auspicious time.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
2008 thoughts
As the year comes to an end, I feel as though I have been giving myself the year to aquaint myself with divorce, and now that I have, I now must go forward in earnest.
I was in my bed, and I was thinking about what I need to do in 2009 and beyond. The way I was thinking about it, had more of a sense of insistance than times past. I found myself asking for concrete answers. These answers I shall post ofline in my diary.
The year has brought such change for me. But what I have learnt most of all, is that, I did not fall apart. I stood right up and began to make something of myself.
I am so fortunate that I have always had my interest at heart, and I have also always had something to do that takes up my passion. That has indeed been helpful
It has also been a year where not getting what you want has been the cautionary tale. On the one hand, I reconnected with someone whom I feel deeply for, but they are hesitant and sending many mixed signals. Then on the other hand, a younger man, a very nice, and handsome guy has been slowly pursuing me, and I do not have those feelings for him.
These mild flirtations have been a helpful salve at a time when old feelings stir up constantly.
It has also been a time for much self reflection. I have had to think on one salary and really, not a salary at all, but savings.Oddly enough, my confronting money in this way has not made me worry more about what I have to do. I understaqnd that there is only so much that can be done, and my objective is to do my best at all times.
I was in my bed, and I was thinking about what I need to do in 2009 and beyond. The way I was thinking about it, had more of a sense of insistance than times past. I found myself asking for concrete answers. These answers I shall post ofline in my diary.
The year has brought such change for me. But what I have learnt most of all, is that, I did not fall apart. I stood right up and began to make something of myself.
I am so fortunate that I have always had my interest at heart, and I have also always had something to do that takes up my passion. That has indeed been helpful
It has also been a year where not getting what you want has been the cautionary tale. On the one hand, I reconnected with someone whom I feel deeply for, but they are hesitant and sending many mixed signals. Then on the other hand, a younger man, a very nice, and handsome guy has been slowly pursuing me, and I do not have those feelings for him.
These mild flirtations have been a helpful salve at a time when old feelings stir up constantly.
It has also been a time for much self reflection. I have had to think on one salary and really, not a salary at all, but savings.Oddly enough, my confronting money in this way has not made me worry more about what I have to do. I understaqnd that there is only so much that can be done, and my objective is to do my best at all times.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
YES, I can
I have been observing how much being positive and optimistic is so very important. In fact, it is more than important, it is necessary to be able to have a good life.
I realise now the sharp contrast between it and thinking negatively.
When you feel good, you can think in a way that frees up so much. When you are negative, you clog up your vision.
The Barack Obama win has done something to me, where I now find myself more mindful of the way that I think and project myself. I am seeing the value of having a goal and going after it. I wake up every day, and incrementally, I see myself moving forward positively.
I was telling my mother a few days ago that I want us to practice every day to see and think the way we want to live and not focus on anything otherwise.
The reason that I am suggesting this, is because, when I think this way, I feel so liberated. When I choose to not take part in negative speculation, I feel as though I am breaking the old molds that life as it was has perpetuated.
Only a few days ago, I saw how distructive it is to worry about money, when what you do in the present is worry for the future that has not been created as yet.
I know that I do not want my child growing up, thniking that her mind is a prison and her life can only go according to limitations set by her surroundings.
Tonight is was brought home again to me, when a friend told me about three people I know who are doing very well on mind alone. These people have very little to show for their success other than pure drive, and that is very admirable indeed.
It is a reminder to nurture your dream.
I realise now the sharp contrast between it and thinking negatively.
When you feel good, you can think in a way that frees up so much. When you are negative, you clog up your vision.
The Barack Obama win has done something to me, where I now find myself more mindful of the way that I think and project myself. I am seeing the value of having a goal and going after it. I wake up every day, and incrementally, I see myself moving forward positively.
I was telling my mother a few days ago that I want us to practice every day to see and think the way we want to live and not focus on anything otherwise.
The reason that I am suggesting this, is because, when I think this way, I feel so liberated. When I choose to not take part in negative speculation, I feel as though I am breaking the old molds that life as it was has perpetuated.
Only a few days ago, I saw how distructive it is to worry about money, when what you do in the present is worry for the future that has not been created as yet.
I know that I do not want my child growing up, thniking that her mind is a prison and her life can only go according to limitations set by her surroundings.
Tonight is was brought home again to me, when a friend told me about three people I know who are doing very well on mind alone. These people have very little to show for their success other than pure drive, and that is very admirable indeed.
It is a reminder to nurture your dream.
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