money,money, money

I had a money moment today that I have to unravel and solve here, once and for all. I have found that I am worried about money in an unhealthy, unrealistic way. On the one hand, my concerns are reasonable, in that, I know how much I spend monthly, and I know where my taste is extravagent...I prefer buying cauliflower from America than the local type because I eat it raw, for example.
I just got a part time job and I am very sensitive about my savings after spending a great deal of it on survival over the last year and a half.
Why I feel this way, has to do with something that I want to buy for myself. The item is something that I have wanted for three years, that the designer has made especially for me. It cost a bit more than I expected. In fact it cost twice what I was expecting and I was surprised. I wondered whether it was too much, and I should nix getting it after all.
I reminded myself that I am working on a number of things that shall bring in money for myself, and that I should not be afraid to buy things.
I suppose that what I am saying is that I am concerned about going below my limit for how much further I want to dip into my savings. I know that I shall be able to go in the other direction in a few months, that of putting money back into my account instead of spending from it.
i can very proudly say that I have not touched my credit card since I decided not to, since May. I have the disciplne. I have never really been ridiculous with money. It is just that this is the first time that I am in this particular position as mother, divorcee, part-time worker and full time artist. So I am mindful of what I want to achieve and what is happening.
This has nothing to do with the world financial crisis, as I know from experiencing recessions, that money can still be made. It is a matter of creative will to see things from a position of abundance no matter what the perceived outcome around you.
I think that I simply needed to write down my concerns. Now that I have, I feel alot better.
My intentions are still sound, as money comes in, as much of that that I can afford to put back towards my savings, I will.
I have also decided that I shall hold off on putting money into a money market account until I can hear a bit more about what is happening with such investments here, and the world stock exchange settles down.
I was feeling as though I am spending, spending, spending and not seeing savings. That was my concern. But I must remind myself that earning and saving is very much in my ability to do. i can do it, and I will do it. So there is nothing to fear.
My ability has helped me to survive through a divorce. My good financial planning has helped me through the last two years. I have alot to be proud of in myself.