Brand New Day

If personal guardian angels exist, mine must be so patient with me. Yesterday I went to a show of someone working in similar materials as myself.I was sensitive because I had asked that same gallery for a show and they never responded to my request.
She on the other hand,managed to sell her work, and just as had happened with the other artist last year, this artist has made me see things from another place, in other words, has taught me something that I needed to learn.
I have been bellyaching about not getting shown,yadda,yadda,yadda...today I woke up and the answer for myself,what am I not doing for my own wellbeing?
I had to literally listen to myself, and I got some interesting findings, these findings had to do with what is called my own inner scumbag.
I didn't realise that that was factoring into my life so strongly.
It suddenly occured to me, I am saying that this and that are obstacles. Yet,there is only so much information to proove that. No one is saying to my face, you cannot do so and so. They are just not responding. So what about what I can control? My own attitude, is it sound, is it healthy? It was then that I found a tiny self sabotaging voice that was expectant of the difficulties.
As is inclined to happen, this voice was not loud and clear.Instead it was subtle and underlying.
It was so sublte that I am inclined to believe that it works without my cognitive awareness on occassion! I took this to heart today, and I concluded that I had to forgive myself for my self-sabotage or self-pity.
I think that this is a huge breakthrough for me to come to terms with that.