Interesting

When it rains it pours. Between yesterday and today I have received much attention. One is a surprise but in another way, both were expected, it just had to do with timing. The greater question for me is whether I am calling these things to me? I think probably. But, what is the outcome to be? I went to visit my ex's house and I was really moved by all that he has managed to accomplish. He is a bit bitter because he is most likely not going to get to live in it again very soon, when he moves out all together. He showed me all that he had put into it, and the sort of decisions he had made when they first bought the property. I made him aware that he can do even better and create something even more amazing.
I have been writing about him a great deal, and I have gone against my word a hundred times where he is concerned. It is as though part of me is more curious than prudent and I just want to feel something different sometimes. But it is more than that. I genuinely care about him. So imagine my surprise when everything goes pear shaped with him? Somehow, he gets performance anxiety and the whole thing feels just awkward and sad.
Then today, my new friend, whom I have been chatting with for several months now has sort of made his interest known and then acted upon it. I shudder to think the number or millions on people on Skype who have used it for all types of foreplay!
What all of this is making me wonder, is what am I going to do? What exactly is going to happen? I did not expect all of this in this way.
My ex lives here, so he is the most immediate person. But unlike my friends, I do not have an active sex life. In fact I could still say, what sex life? At my age, I am sort of set in my ways. Wondering what all of this means now? It feels strange because it has been so very, very long.