And now...on with the show

What the he'll do I really want? I was surprised the other day when I saw some writing that I did on my ideal man and realized that The Towers sounds exactly like the " ideal" that I listed. I am so frustrated with him! I got all spontaneous and spent a whole weekend with him, and we had a lovely time. Yet, now, a few days later I feel like I had Chinese food. I don't mean it to sound so bad! What I am trying to say is that I am having an experience with this person but trying to keep my head out of it. I am literally sort of being shallow because as I told him, he sends mixed signals. I do not know what to make of the whole thing. Sure I can play his game and call it nothing and just continue along this vague route, but to what end? How does something like this play out? Do I even want to play? What the hell is the point of such a thing anyway? Sure one can say, enjoy it now in the moment. I would like to be able to do that, but it makes me feel as though I'm being asked to be someone younger. Before him, I argued about my not seeming to want commitment. Now I am bitching about this situation. Sheesh! I may be the one at fault here. What messages am I sending as well?