What!

My year seems to be teaching me some challenging things, and I am doing my best to be in a state of grace throughout because I suspect that my lesson is to maintain focus no matter what. I have been out of sorts Lately,feeling as though to much is coming my way. But I instantly think on frequent flyer, who was very down himself the other day and I sent him some uplifting information that really rejuvenated him, and today he sent me some wonderful news. A complete contrast to that day. I have let quite a bit of life knock me about. But as I adjust my vision, I see that there is much that still assists me in being who I am, and I meet myself as friend. I see myself as a fixer. I like solving problems. I appreciate looking at que's. I like to listen and feel out something. I enjoy looking at nature in every form. Walking brings me peace. I talk with people a lot, but I really try not to act like a know it all, but I can find myself holding forth sometimes. I like to challenge old ways of thinking, love reading and learning stuff. I love to find new things. Travel broadens my perspective. I am more optimistic than not.I can over think things at times. I am not quick to anger,and I try to give my anxieties, fear or discomforts observation enough to petter out, I feel very let down with myself when in the rare moments I have acted emotionally. This may mean that I like control, and in some ways, I do like to feel that there is order in my life. Success means less to me about people who have objects than it does about people who are living their lives in ways that show that they are content with themselves. I have seen both rich and poor with that facility to love what they have. I like to be around others who have developed themselves in a way where they have a rich amalgam of experiences. They have not only seen a great deal, but are curious about the future, very much in the world. I continue to like my own company. I am rarely bored. I am always thinking about possibilities. My child fills me with wonder. I am honored to be able to watch and mold her, while being fully aware that she is her own person. She is my child, but not my possession. I must hold her close when she needs it, but I must also let her go. I have lost at love and been challenged by it. It has confused me, made me act quite counter to some very longstanding beliefs, and I cannot look at it quite the same again. I now see it as punctuation to a larger whole. I do not know how else to put it. I am aware of the programming we are given in our world about what we should be doing and when, This is all well and good, but we also are much bigger than this construct.we choose these experiences and we can always do better, be stronger. I care about doing my best to be fair to others. I watch my words and my actions. I am sometimes spontaneous. Aim sometimes contradictory. I face doubt and fear and do what I can to transcend it. When you become my friend I treat it with care, perhaps more care than I have ever taken a romantic relationship. I have big goals for my work and my legacy. I spend too mcu time on things that keep me from taking more care of myself and I am doing something about it now. This is all I shall write tonight. I may continue this again at some point.